The Cubs can’t lose today. Nary a single Cubbie appendix has ruptured. Starlin Castro hasn’t been put in timeout yet. Alfonso Soriano leads the league in homers. Wrigley Field hasn’t had chunks of itself fly off in several months. Albert Pujols‘ free agent value has tumbled to $299 million. No new Nicolas Cage movies are being released this weekend. It’s …
5 Cubs Trends Sure to End
The Cubs are five games into the 2011 season, so naturally we know everything we need to know about this team. But for anyone who thinks the sample size isn’t quite large enough to draw conclusions, I just want to correct a few lies the opening weekend may have told us. For the record, I wrote this before today’s game, …
Ten Things I Shouldn’t Have to Tell Cubs Fans (But I Do)
I had the pleasure of seeing the Cubs on Opening Day yesterday along with Julie and Deb of Aerys Sports and Ana from Accidentally Sexy, and a lot of cool people* willing to get soaked and chilled in order to show us a good time. But along the way I came into contact with more than a few Cubs fans who, apparently, haven’t …
Opening Day in the Time of Cholera
It’s Opening Day in Major League Baseball, one day before the Cubs officially begin to toy with our hopes in earnest. So I thought I’d take this opportunity to brace myself for the plunge into denial with a look at the reasons we keep coming back to this team, reasons that really aren’t unique to the Cubs at all. Contrary …
11 Scandalous Predictions for the 2011 Cubs
By scandalous, of course I mean stupid. Earlier in the offseason I made 103 predictions that won’t happen in 2011. That was pure nonsense whereas this is pure speculation. Huge difference. Some of these could actually come true. And they’re not all optimistic. 11. Brett Jackson will see the majors by June. I don’t know why. I only added this at …
Mike Quade Has Tiger Blood. Hooray?
There are two basic schools of thought about Mike Quade’s recent comments on Carlos Silva: 1) Mike Quade is the greatest, toughest, smartest son of a gun in baseball; 2) Mike Quade is a verbose, no good, sucker-punching fool. There is no in between. Of course there is still only one school of thought on Carlos Silva: he’s fat ugly, …
Ten Myths About Obstructed View Debunked
Since the announcement of the repeat of the end of sports history and the dawn of a newly discredited day, I’ve heard a lot of nasty rumors about what Obstructed View will be like. Mostly it’s a bunch of lies and obvious misrepresentations, so I just want to clear the air right off the bat. If you’re going to fom …
2011 Cubs a Pretty Blank Slate
I haven’t heard anyone not named Carlos Silva complain about Andrew Cashner being named the Cubs’ 5th starter. I’m still waiting for a yet-to-be-discredited Cubs blog to erupt in rage over Marcos Mateo making the roster. Nobody seems all that bothered to see Silva go, and if you’re looking to find someone who is, I’m sorry to disappoint you. But …