30 Teams, 30 Haikus

In Commentary And Analysis by myles37 Comments

AL Central

Detroit Tigers
Miguel Cabrera
Is extremely good at first
but not MVP.

Kansas City Royals
Aoki fan here
Can't help thinking Wil Myers
Is a lot better.

Cleveland Indians
If they retained Choo
Last year could have been better.
Swisher not as good.

Chicago White Sox
I think Abreu
Could garner MVP votes
But this team is bad.

Minnesota Twins
Buxton is the hope
Miguel Sano is the dream
Last is reality.

AL East

Tampa Bay Rays
Friedman: best GM
Price is still on this great squad
Could win it all now.

Boston Red Sox
The defending champs
Might finish 3rd this season
And still make wild card.

New York Yankees
Masahiro is
A many-syllabled word
And a rich pitcher.

Toronto Blue Jays
Trade for Jeff, AA!
Nevermind those teams up there.
Trade for Jeff, AA!

Baltimore Orioles
Great bullpen last year.
They need great Gausman to make
A serious run.

AL West

Texas Rangers
My early fave team
To win the World Series with
Choo, Prince, Harrison.

Oakland Athletics
Billy Beane's the man
sadly, so is Jon Daniels
and he is loaded.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Millville Meteor.
Best player since Barry Bonds.
Please, sign with the Cubs.

Seattle Mariners
Robinson Cano
will put this team on his back,
take them to 4th place.

Houston Astros
Traded for Fowler
That's a move I'm jealous of.
The rest, they can keep.

NL Central

St. Louis Cardinals
Must be nice to have 
one glaring need and Jhonny
just waiting to sign.

Cincinnati Reds
Homer Bailey was
The most likely free agent
Man, are the Cubs fucked.

Pittsburgh Pirates
Give me McCutchen
over anyone not named
Trout or Fernandez.

Milwaukee Brewers
Ryan Braun, please come here.
I need you to pee in this.
Don't worry, love Jews.

Chicago Cubs
Already looking
At who we are flipping in
June, 2015.

NL East

Atlanta Braves
I'm not so sure that
This isn't worst division

champion this year.

Washington Nationals
Great pitching staff, but
probably one superstar
from getting to top.

Philadelphia Phillies
Man, AJ Burnett
That was a slap in the face

Thanks. Signed, the Central.

New York Mets
Granderson. Colon.
Do these moves make sense for Mets?
No. Of course they don't.

Florida Marlins
One player can't fit.
That's Saltalamacchia.
Should downsize last name.

NL West

Los Angeles Dodgers
Holy shit, this team rocks.
I wish we spent like they did
But we never will.

Arizona Diamondbacks
This season's bridesmaids
wanted Tanaka and got
Bronson Arroyo.

San Diego Padres
I like Josh Johnson
That's a flippable asset.
So is Chase Headley.

San Francisco Giants
Matt Cain needs to shove
And this team could go places.

Probably not, though.

Colorado Rockies
Hey, trade CarGo here!
You can have 2 top prospects
Not Baez/Bryant.


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  1. J

    Anyone else going to miss Soriano? I bet he puts up a better slash line than Junior Lake this year, and probably more WAR, since he has Ellsbury to guard left-center.

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  2. Edwin

    Does anyone know if there is a radio feed for the Olympics? I’d like to try and stream the US hockey game today at 11:00, but all I can find are links for TV feeds, which I don’t really care for.

      Quote  Reply


  3. Like You Care

    How about some mocks? Let me know if you want a team other than SF and CHI.


    14 DE KONY EALY MISSOURI – No other elite DEs make me think you have to go Ealy here.
    51 DT DOMINIQUE EASLEY FLORIDA – I don’t care about the knee anymore. This guy is more Aaron Donald than Aaron Donald. Line him up between the guards and let him wreak havoc.
    82 S ED REYNOLDS STANFORD – Aggressive and physical.
    113 CB TERRANCE MITCHELL OREGON – Highly underrated CB with size. Perfect fit.
    144 DE KAREEM MARTIN NORTH CAROLINA – Boom or bust pass rusher.

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  4. Like You Care


    30 S CALVIN PRYOR LOUISVILLE – Dearth of high-end safeties makes me think he’ll be gone at this point.
    56 CB KYLE FULLER VIRGINIA TECH – Perfect fit for SF. Should be a top-35 pick, imo.
    61 WR DONTE MONCRIEF MISSISSIPPI – Poor man’s Dez Bryant.
    125 WR MARTAVIS BRYANT CLEMSON – No way he’s still here at this pick.
    158 QB LOGAN THOMAS VIRGINIA TECH – No. 1 overall potential. Needs a LOT of work.

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  5. Edwin

    Mr. Care,

    What do you think of Tom Savage? I only saw him once early in the season, but I thought his arm looked pretty good, and he was throwing some nice spirals. Would he be a decent late round value pick for a project QB?

      Quote  Reply


  6. Like You Care

    @ Edwin:

    This year’s QB class is interesting because of people like Savage, imo. He has NFL size and an NFL arm. He has Brady/Manning mobility, but that’s fine as long as you can feel pressure and move in the pocket. He can’t do that now, and that’s a tough thing to learn.

    For me, the QBs break out like this:


    High upside, few questions:
    Manziel, Bortles, Carr

    Quality starter upside, few questions:
    Garoppolo, Mettenberger, Tajh Boyd

    Starter potential:
    Aaron Murray, David Fales

    High upside, lots of questions:
    Logan Thomas

    There are a few other draftables that I just don’t like. Then you have the UDFA group that’s not that far off from the groups above, imo. I’d rather bring a guy like Dustin Vaughan or Keith Wenning in as a FA than spend a pick on AJ McCarron.

    For me, Savage falls into the UDFA group that you might spend a 6 or 7 on just to get him into camp.

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  7. Author

    dmick89, Sweatpants Guru wrote:

    Who is going to write 30 sonnets for 30 MLB teams?

    Shall I compare that to a winter’s day?
    Thou art more cold and unfortunate:
    For even with the snow and ice and rain:
    The chore of writing sonnets sure is bullshit:
    Sometimes the winter’s rays on sunlight shine
    And often is the glacial biting dimm’d
    But crafting words and rhymes are less than fine
    To write 30? I’d rather ball-hair trimmed
    By Michael Fox, or sit under the shade
    Of icy tendrils of the bitter snow
    In crafting verse my love for life does fade
    And propogates sadness, madness, gloom and woe.
    So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
    So long is writing sonnets a tragedy.
    -Billy Shakes

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  8. Rice Cube

    Limericks may be easier than sonnets.

    There once was a team in Chicago
    They last won a hundred years ago
    Then they came into bad luck
    With a stadium that’s fucked
    And now the fans all say “Cubs blow.”

      Quote  Reply



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