Okay, we've already received a truckload of entries for our 2013 Cubs slogan contest. First of all, thanks to everyone who has entered. I need to remind you that the prize we're giving away is a DVD set of the Essential Games of the Chicago Cubs over many decades, not just the essential games of 2012. This is a prize, unlike the Best New Artist Grammy or the Crosstown Cup, you actually would like to win. It has footage of games in which the Cubs were victorious, in many instances playoff bound. It's your chance to simulate the euphoria brought on by winning.
But if you'd really like that winning feeling, I suggest you follow these ten tips for writing a winning slogan about the 2013 Chicago Cubs. You see, a lot of the 60+ entries to come in so far will not win. If they were better, they'd have a better shot at winning. That's how these things work. So pay attention.
10. Disinterest over disgrace. There's an awful lot of emphasis placed on how bad the Cubs are already sure to be in 2013. I certainly won't tell anyone to let the Hope Monster attack their expectations for next year, but please remember that baseball is a difficult game to predict. It's possible we won't be completely disgusted by the way the Cubs play in 2013. So slogans like, "Boy this team blows," while potentially quite accurate, focus too much on predicting. Yes, they'll likely be bad, but you shouldn't prematurely turn your nose up at next year's garbage. (Actually, Next Year's Garbage" sounds like an ok slogan.) You can't know for sure that they'll be abysmal, but you can know for sure that we'll expect them to be.
9. Don't mention the Astros. The Astros won't be in the NL Central anymore next year. They'll be an AL team with AL dreams. In 2013, the Cubs and their fans will care very little about the Astros' welfare. So don't use them in your slogan.
8. Pizza Hut MILF is not a slogan. It's a way of life.
7. It's a Way of Life is a slogan, but it's dumb.
6. The Shorter the Better. It's a slogan, not a Russian novel. If your slogan has subpoints and character back stories, it's probably too long.
5. Don't Try Too Hard. Again, we want a slogan that can, in just a few words, hint at what it means to be associated with this team next year, not double as a full-length comedy routine.
4. Write and submit a slogan. If you want to win, you know, go ahead and enter. If you don't enter, your odds of winning suck.
3. You don't have to put "The 2013 Chicago Cubs:" at the beginning. We get it. It's a slogan for the 2013 Chicago Cubs. That's the only year for which we're accepting entries. No need to be unnecessarily redundant and repetitive by telling us the date and the team name and that it's the 2013 Chicago Cubs.
2. Can you imagine it on a t-shirt? If it's not t-shirt worthy, it's probably not DVD worthy.
1. Bribery. Seriously, why do I have to spell this out for you people?
Okay. I hope that helps. I hope you win. We've received some great entries and appreciate everyone who has submitted them. But the contest runs through Sunday, so there's still time to wow/bribe us, so get on that.