After the game yesterday, we headed down to the Vic Theatre to see Jeffrey Ross. If you have never seen Jeffrey Ross perform (and you don’t have delicate sensibilities), he is pretty damn funny. He generally can be found doing the celebrity roasts that Comedy Central has brought back from the Dean Martin days.
It turns out Ryan Dempster was in the crowd and he was enticed on stage to get a little heat from the Roast Master General.
First he started by nibbling the corner by taking a shot at Chicago sports teams in general:
Cubs, Bears, Bulls… it sounds like the different sections of a gay dating site.
Then he started pounding the strike zone:
Look at you. Who knew Ralph Malph could pitch? You look like Opie with a pitching arm.
Ryan Dempster has 107 wins. He also has 107 losses. That’s like saying, “I have 10 million dollars in cash and I owe AMEX 10 million dollars.”
You’ve walked more people than people have walked dogs.
I haven’t seen anyone choke more since David Carradine.
Come on Ryan, take it like a man. Don’t get all tough. Jesus, the Bears have a better chance of winning a World Series before the Cubs.
Dempster was a good sport and he got a shout out for the Ryan and Jenny Dempster Foundation in the process. Before heading back to his seat he tried his own brand of comedy which shockingly did not involve a Harry Caray impression:
A lot of people don’t know that Jeff is a big environmentalist, so after the show make sure you recycle all your plastic cups, like Jeff recycles his jokes.
Boom! Roasted.
(dying laughing)
If Ryan Dempster’s joke was a horse, someone would have shot it.
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
[quote name=Mercurial Outfielder]If Ryan Dempster’s joke was a horse, someone would have shot it.[/quote]
I was just happy he didn’t do the Will Ferrell/Harry Caray bit again.
[quote name=Aisle424]I was just happy he didn’t do the Will Ferrell/Harry Caray bit again.[/quote]Indeed.
He went pretty easy on Dempster compared to the rest of the speed roasting he did on members of the audience. He killed most of the night.
[quote name=Aisle424]He went pretty easy on Dempster compared to the rest of the speed roasting he did on members of the audience. He killed most of the night.[/quote]He’s pretty good at that.
Impotent hermaphrodite dwarf continues his anti-Z vendetta: http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/chi-could-zambrano-land-with-the-yankees-20110617,0,6670573.story
Derrek Lee is now 2-2 after going 5-5 yesterday.
[quote name=ACT]Derrek Lee is now 2-2 after going 5-5 yesterday.[/quote]ZOMG FIRE HENDRY
Hey! I get to watch the Cubs game today, instead of pirating it. My luck, they’ll get shelled. (dying laughing)
[quote name=Mercurial Outfielder]Hey! I get to watch the Cubs game today, instead of pirating it. My luck, they’ll get shelled. (dying laughing)[/quote]
(dying laughing), I’m stuck with Rangers-Braves
Question: On Boers & Bernstein yesterday, they were talking about how Kevin Towers has turned around the D’Backs (and thus Hendry should be able to turn around the Cubs despite being hamstrung by big contracts).
I’m no Hendry apologist, but does someone know what Kevin Towers has done that turned Arizona around? Upton, Young, and Kennedy were already there. What magic could Towers have worked? Doesn’t it seem that the “pieces were already in place” (pour out some of your 40 for Wannie’s ‘stache)?
[quote name=Steve Swisher]Question: On Boers & Bernstein yesterday, they were talking about how Kevin Towers has turned around the D’Backs (and thus Hendry should be able to turn around the Cubs despite being hamstrung by big contracts).
I’m no Hendry apologist, but does someone know what Kevin Towers has done that turned Arizona around? Upton, Young, and Kennedy were already there. What magic could Towers have worked? Doesn’t it seem that the “pieces were already in place” (pour out some of your 40 for Wannie’s ‘stache)?[/quote]Did he swing the Haren and Hudson deals?
Nope, both trades were made before he got there.
[quote name=Steve Swisher]Nope, both trades were made before he got there.[/quote]I dunno, then. B & B have never been any good on baseball, though. Football and basketball are their forte.