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  • Cubs Help George Lucas Continue to Ruin Star Wars

    When I saw Star Wars when it first came out in 1977, I thought it was the best thing than man would ever do.  As I grew up and saw the next two movies in the trilogy, it only solidified my belief that George Lucas was a frickin’ genius.  If only he had known when to just quit at the top of his game.

    The re-releases of his original trilogy that didn’t improve the texture of the original films so much as highlight how far special effects had progressed in the 20 years after their release made me wonder what the hell he was doing.  Even getting past the Greedo shooting first thing (which I still think is a crime that should be punishable by death), he added so many little creatures walking around Mos Eisley that it looked like Jurassic Park.  Then Obi-Wan and Luke go into the cantina and it’s the fucking Muppet Show.  It just didn’t make any damn sense.

    Then we finally got to see the back story of Darth Vader and as great as the originals were to the 5-year old me, the prequels were just as earth-shattering, but on the awful side of the equation.  I won’t go into the whole thing here, but reviews at Red Letter Media say it all (it takes awhile to get through them all, but they are worth it).

    So now George Lucas is releasing the original films onto Blue Ray and he is fucking with them again.  He’s apparently replacing the puppet Yoda with CGI, making the Ewoks blink, and mimicking the scene from the end of Revenge of the Sith with the cartoonish “NOOOOOOOO!!!” from Darth Vader.  This time he exclaims it as he approaches the Empreror as he’s electrocuting Luke.

    If he wanted to fix shit, he could remove the “NOOOOO!!!!” from Revenge of the Sith and just have Darth silently destroy the operating room with his mind, but no, he has to go ruin an otherwise perfectly good scene from the original movies.

    So just when the Star Wars franchise has been beaten within an inch of its life with a crowbar, here come the Cubs to steal its wallet and piss all over the bloody body.

    starwars

    (h/t Rice Cube)

    Just what I’ve always wanted!  To be watching a baseball game between two horrible teams from some of the worst seats in the park and getting interrupted by minimum wage-earning college kids wearing Chewbacca costumes.  For fifty bucks, I better get a lap dance from Princess Leia in the gold bikini.

    The plan has only one good aspect as far as I can tell.  It may answer the age-old question: Who is more annoying, Jar Jar Binks or Ronnie Woo?


    198 Responses to “Cubs Help George Lucas Continue to Ruin Star Wars”

    1. 1 Aisle424 says:

      The four of us are going! We even have our costumes!

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    2. 2 WenningtonsGorillaCock says:

      it’s better than this promotion:

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    3. 3 Rice Cube says:

      It’s always night somewhere.

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    4. 4 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]The four of us are going! We even have our costumes!

      [/quote]
      I guess AC forgot to shave.

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    5. 5 uncle dave says:

      [quote name=@kylekinane]Wait til Hal Needham decides to tweak Cannonball Run and finally I get to not shut the fuck up about something for 35 fucking years, dorks.[/quote].

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    6. 6 Rice Cube says:

      By the way, what are your thoughts on “Howard the Duck” and the last Indiana Jones movie?

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    7. 7 Aisle424 says:

      Didn’t see them.

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    8. 8 Mish says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]Don’t see them.[/quote].

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    9. 9 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]Didn’t see them.[/quote]
      Fair enough. Just thought they would’ve been a good supplement for your treatise about the end of cinematic history.

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    10. 10 Aisle424 says:

      Just the end of Star Wars history.

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    11. 11 mb22 says:

      I was looking at those images (comment 1) the other day and still laughed.

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    12. 12 Aisle424 says:

      FOOTBALL!!!!!

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    13. 13 Aisle424 says:

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    14. 14 uncle dave says:

      [quote name=Aisle424][/quote]Speaking of cinema verite…

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    15. 15 binky says:

      Whoa, just listening to the Brewers radio broadcast. Uecker sounds like he just slipped into another dimension a la every cheesy ’70s movie you ever saw.

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    16. 16 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=josh]Whoa, just listening to the Brewers radio broadcast. Uecker sounds like he just slipped into another dimension a la every cheesy ’70s movie you ever saw.[/quote]
      Channeling Harry Doyle? Is he drunk?

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    17. 17 Rice Cube says:

      That was a pretty good football game to start the season.

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    18. 18 Aisle424 says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]That was a pretty good football game to start the season.[/quote]
      I predicted that both Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers would throw TD passes this year, so I’m not surprised.

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    19. 19 Suburban kid 22 says:

      When I saw Star Wars when it first came out in 1977, I thought it was OK, but a bit nerdy.

      /SK’d

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    20. 20 binky says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Channeling Harry Doyle? Is he drunk?[/quote]The radio was experiencing some kind of time warp echo. It was trippy.

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    21. 21 binky says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]That was a pretty good football game to start the season.[/quote]The season started already? Who the hell starts a season on a Thursday!?

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    22. 22 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

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    23. 23 Mercurial Outfielder says:

      (dying laughing), the Daily Herald has a pay wall up. It didn’t work for WaPo or NYT, but I’m sure it’ll work for them.

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    24. 24 mb21 says:

      [quote name=Mercurial Outfielder](dying laughing), the Daily Herald has a pay wall up. It didn’t work for WaPo or NYT, but I’m sure it’ll work for them.[/quote]I don’t get that. Who the fuck is going to pay the Daily Herald to read their shit? The journalists and their families?

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    25. 25 Mercurial Outfielder says:

      [quote name=mb21]I don’t get that. Who the fuck is going to pay the Daily Herald to read their shit? The journalists and their families?[/quote]It’s really bizarre. The internet is so full of news aggregators, this seems entirely counterproductive. It just pushes readers away. Miles’ blogs’ comments section was filled with people saying they wouldn’t pay, even though they liked the blog.

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    26. 26 Rice Cube says:

      RC’s Star Wars movie rankings (by episode):

      V
      IV
      III
      VI
      I
      II

      But only if Greedo didn’t fire and lame Jabba scene wasn’t included.

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    27. 27 Rodrigo Ramirez says:

      Speaking of cinema, did you guys see that Warner Bros. is remaking Beetlejuice? Not a huge deal, but I thought it was weird.

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    28. 28 Rice Cube says:

      I wrote a quick parody and a friend helped record a draft. Hope y’all enjoy it:

      http://www.hark.com/clips/hqxqqwdnwq-wrigleyville

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    29. 29 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Rodrigo Ramirez]Speaking of cinema, did you guys see that Warner Bros. is remaking Beetlejuice? Not a huge deal, but I thought it was weird.[/quote]
      Why?!

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    30. 30 binky says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Why?![/quote]Start with a movie people recognize. Add special effects. Promise it will be better than the original, in some way. Adds up to a big opening weekend, even if it never makes it’s money back. Big opening weekend means you keep getting financed to make movies. All they care about is opening weekends now, and remakes have shown time and time again that they have big openings.

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    31. 31 Mercurial Outfielder says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]RC’s Star Wars movie rankings (by episode):

      V
      IV
      III
      VI
      I
      II

      But only if Greedo didn’t fire and lame Jabba scene wasn’t included.[/quote][quote name=Rice Cube]RC’s Star Wars movie rankings (by episode):

      V
      IV
      III
      VI
      I
      II

      But only if Greedo didn’t fire and lame Jabba scene wasn’t included.[/quote]BTW, are there any DVD versions of IV-VI that are untainted? I would love to get my hands on them, if so.

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    32. 32 GBTS says:

      Speaking of movies, I came across this while cleaning up my desktop the other day and it still gave me a huge chuckle:

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    33. 33 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mercurial Outfielder]BTW, are there any DVD versions of IV-VI that are untainted? I would love to get my hands on them, if so.[/quote]
      I believe so, but you may only be able to find them on Amazon or Ebay now. I unfortunately have the remastered versions but I’ll still throw in Episode V from time to time because they didn’t actually change it all that much.

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    34. 34 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=GBTS]Speaking of movies, I came across this while cleaning up my desktop the other day and it still gave me a huge chuckle:

      [/quote]
      Time for Wapner.

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    35. 35 GBTS says:

      When I saw Star Wars when it first came to my house from Blockbuster in the early 90s, because I’m not a dinosaur, I thought it was the best thing than man would ever do.

      /GBTS’d

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    36. 36 GBTS says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Time for Wapner.[/quote]I still regret not having Ray post “Of course, it’s one minute to banning” before he got banned.

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    37. 37 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=GBTS]I still regret not having Ray post “Of course, it’s one minute to banning” before he got banned.[/quote]
      That would have upgraded your “epic win” into an “epic monster win” for sure.

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    38. 38 mb21 says:

      [quote name=Mercurial Outfielder]It’s really bizarre. The internet is so full of news aggregators, this seems entirely counterproductive. It just pushes readers away. Miles’ blogs’ comments section was filled with people saying they wouldn’t pay, even though they liked the blog.[/quote]You have to pay to read the fucking blog?

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    39. 39 binky says:

      [quote name=Mercurial Outfielder]BTW, are there any DVD versions of IV-VI that are untainted? I would love to get my hands on them, if so.[/quote]I believe the last DVD release had the originals as bonus discs. They’re in original presentation format, so mono sound and everything.

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    40. 40 binky says:

      I remember the version we had of Return we got from a place in town and they were straight up bootlegs of the HBO presentation. Ah the good ole days of VHS.

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    41. 41 Rice Cube says:

      Where were you when you realized that whining and angst were hereditary in the Star Wars universe?

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    42. 42 binky says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Where were you when you realized that whining and angst were hereditary in the Star Wars universe?[/quote]South Dakota.

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    43. 43 binky says:

      Although I’m not sure I understand the question, so bear that in mind.

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    44. 44 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=josh]South Dakota.[/quote]

      AMERICA!

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    45. 45 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=josh]Although I’m not sure I understand the question, so bear that in mind.[/quote]
      Prequel Vader = whiny

      Prequel Amidala = slightly whiny

      Original Leia = slightly whiny

      Original Luke = really whiny

      At least I thought so.

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    46. 46 Mucker says:

      I prefer Space Balls myself. I wish that had a trilogy and pre-trilogy.

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    47. 47 GBTS says:

      [quote name=Mucker]I prefer Space Balls myself.[/quote]I’l flag this one myself.

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    48. 48 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mucker]I prefer Space Balls myself. I wish that had a trilogy and pre-trilogy.[/quote]
      God willing, we’ll all meet again in Spaceballs II: The Search For More Money.

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    49. 49 WenningtonsGorillaCock says:

      [quote name=josh]Start with a movie people recognize. Add special effects. Promise it will be better than the original, in some way. Adds up to a big opening weekend, even if it never makes it’s money back. Big opening weekend means you keep getting financed to make movies. All they care about is opening weekends now, and remakes have shown time and time again that they have big openings.[/quote]Supposedly it’s not a remake/reboot but a true sequel

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    50. 50 Mucker says:

      No Space Balls love? The Schwartz is not strong in you.

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    51. 51 binky says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Prequel Vader = whiny

      Prequel Amidala = slightly whiny

      Original Leia = slightly whiny

      Original Luke = really whiny

      At least I thought so.[/quote]If you’re asking where I was when I saw episode I (and I think you are) then the answer is South Dakota. If you’re asking where I was when I realized the prequels were not going to be awesome, but rather the opposite, the answer is the same.

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    52. 52 WenningtonsGorillaCock says:

      [quote name=Mucker]I prefer Space Balls myself. I wish that had a trilogy and pre-trilogy.[/quote]Space Balls 3: The Search for Space Balls 2

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    53. 53 Mucker says:

      How about the Family Guy Star Wars?

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    54. 54 binky says:

      [quote name=WenningtonsGorillaCock]Space Balls 3: The Search for Space Balls 2[/quote]First someone will have to dig up Rick Moranis. I’m pretty sure he got left behind in 1995 somewhere. Canadians are always doing that.

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    55. 55 binky says:

      It won’t be the same without John Candy, either.

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    56. 56 Mucker says:

      In all seriousness, I loved Star Wars. I grew up watching the original trilogy and actually really enjoyed the prequels. I think that’s because I’m not a nerd. I thought Episode 2 and 3 kicked ass. I loved Return of the Jedi. Hell, I liked both Ewok movies: Battle for Endor and the one with the Quaker Oats guy in it.

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    57. 57 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mucker]How about the Family Guy Star Wars?[/quote]
      I liked the first one. The second and third ones were kind of meh and I think Seth MacFarlane actually said that FOX kind of forced them to do it (dying laughing)

      I’d be curious to see if Family Guy or the Cleveland Show try to do the prequels.

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    58. 58 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=josh]If you’re asking where I was when I saw episode I (and I think you are) then the answer is South Dakota. If you’re asking where I was when I realized the prequels were not going to be awesome, but rather the opposite, the answer is the same.[/quote]
      In a way that was the part of the question, but I was thinking specifically of how they downgraded Darth Vader from one of the greatest villains of all time into some whiny kid with self esteem issues (dying laughing)

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    59. 59 binky says:

      Stupid Canadians![quote name=Mucker]In all seriousness, I loved Star Wars. I grew up watching the original trilogy and actually really enjoyed the prequels. I think that’s because I’m not a nerd. I thought Episode 2 and 3 kicked ass. I loved Return of the Jedi. Hell, I liked both Ewok movies: Battle for Endor and the one with the Quaker Oats guy in it.[/quote]Well, I’m a big fucking nerd, and I hated I-III. The first Ewok movie, however, was cool if only for that giant boar monster thing,

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    60. 60 Mucker says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]In a way that was the part of the question, but I was thinking specifically of how they downgraded Darth Vader from one of the greatest villains of all time into some whiny kid with self esteem issues (dying laughing)[/quote]I agree. I can’t stand that guy they picked to play Anakin. I kept thinking to myself, this guy’s supposed to be Darth Vader? He’s a pussy.

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    61. 61 Rice Cube says:

      The only good thing about the prequels was that the lightsaber battles were spectacular. Everything else pretty much sucked. Ewan McGregor was a good Obi-Wan though and I always think Liam Neeson is a badass.

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    62. 62 binky says:

      [quote name=Mucker]I agree. I can’t stand that guy they picked to play Anakin. I kept thinking to myself, this guy’s supposed to be Darth Vader? He’s a pussy.[/quote]“when I first met your father, he was already a great pilot.” Come the hell on.

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    63. 63 Mercurial Outfielder says:

      [quote name=mb21]You have to pay to read the fucking blog?[/quote]Yep. WaPo tried to do the same thing with their Op-Ed section about 6 years ago, and it was a massive failure.

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    64. 64 binky says:

      Darth Vader made C-3PO? Then everyone involved apparently totally forgot that fact.

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    65. 65 Mucker says:

      [quote name=josh]Stupid Canadians!
      Well, I’m a big fucking nerd, and I hated I-III. The first Ewok movie, however, was cool if only for that giant boar monster thing,[/quote]That’s what I mean, I think the nerds that really got into Star Wars didn’t like the prequels because they just weren’t the same. Most huge Star Wars fans think they sucked. I never got that into Star Wars so to me, they were just kick ass SciFi movies, not shitty Star Wars movies.

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    66. 66 Mucker says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]The only good thing about the prequels was that the lightsaber battles were spectacular. Everything else pretty much sucked. Ewan McGregor was a good Obi-Wan though and I always think Liam Neeson is a badass.[/quote]Agreed. The Yoda light saber duels were fucking insane. People didn’t like them because they were CGI. I’d rather see CGI than a fucking puppet or a midget ninja…….actually I’d kind of like to see a midget ninja.

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    67. 67 Mucker says:

      [quote name=josh]Darth Vader made C-3PO? Then everyone involved apparently totally forgot that fact.[/quote]So true. Interesting tidbit.

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    68. 68 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mucker]So true. Interesting tidbit.[/quote]
      That’s because they wiped his memory but for some reason R2-D2 kept his. Not everyone can speak R2-D2-ese.

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    69. 69 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mucker]That’s what I mean, I think the nerds that really got into Star Wars didn’t like the prequels because they just weren’t the same. Most huge Star Wars fans think they sucked. I never got that into Star Wars so to me, they were just kick ass SciFi movies, not shitty Star Wars movies.[/quote]
      I didn’t mind that they weren’t the same because I expected the special effects and stunts to be better. The dialogue and stories sucked. I did enjoy the lightsaber stuff but without a story, it was just a glorified shoot-em-up movie trilogy and that annoyed me.

      I also didn’t like that Mace Windu was totally going to win and Darth Vader fucked it all up. What a bitch.

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    70. 70 mb21 says:

      [quote name=Mucker]In all seriousness, I loved Star Wars. I grew up watching the original trilogy and actually really enjoyed the prequels. I think that’s because I’m not a nerd. I thought Episode 2 and 3 kicked ass. I loved Return of the Jedi. Hell, I liked both Ewok movies: Battle for Endor and the one with the Quaker Oats guy in it.[/quote]I watched the originals in the theater and haven’t paid much attention to it since. I don’t care about the DVD remakes or the Blu Ray remakes. If I was going to watch it again I’d much rather watch in my Blu Ray player than in its original form. Great movies for their time in my opinion, but not something I’m going to watch again. If I’m going to re-watch a trilogy, I’ll watch Godfather. Although 3 wasn’t nearly as good as the first two, it had its moments.

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    71. 71 GBTS says:

      Probably 8-9 WAR in 1977.

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    72. 72 Mucker says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]I didn’t mind that they weren’t the same because I expected the special effects and stunts to be better. The dialogue and stories sucked. I did enjoy the lightsaber stuff but without a story, it was just a glorified shoot-em-up movie trilogy and that annoyed me.

      I also didn’t like that Mace Windu was totally going to win and Darth Vader fucked it all up. What a bitch.[/quote]Yeah, I hear ya but to me the prequels main purpose was the story of how Anakin became Darth Vader. They told that and showed his eventual self destruction and allegiance to the Dark Side. I just wish they had somebody better play Anakin. I couldn’t stand that guy that played him.

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    73. 73 GBTS says:

      [quote name=Mucker]I just wish they had somebody better play Anakin. I couldn’t stand that guy that played him.[/quote]“From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!” is the worst line in movie history.

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    74. 74 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=GBTS]Probably 8-9 WAR in 1977.[/quote]
      The replacement level baseline has dropped since then.

      [quote name=Mucker]Yeah, I hear ya but to me the prequels main purpose was the story of how Anakin became Darth Vader. They told that and showed his eventual self destruction and allegiance to the Dark Side. I just wish they had somebody better play Anakin. I couldn’t stand that guy that played him.[/quote]
      I agree. I think the story could’ve been told without Darth Vader being such a little bitch (dying laughing)

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    75. 75 GBTS says:

      [quote name=GBTS]“From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!” is the worst line in movie history.[/quote]And some faget better not reply, “Only a Sith deals in absolutes.”

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    76. 76 Rice Cube says:

      *spoiler*

      The part at the end of Episode III where Obi-Wan chopped off the three non-robotic limbs of Darth Vader was very satisfying.

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    77. 77 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=GBTS]And some faget better not reply, “Only a Sith deals in absolutes.”[/quote]
      False. The proper line was “Then you are lost.”

      But only if we were talking about the movie and not random memes.

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    78. 78 dylanj says:

      i enjoyed Episode III but the amount of time it took Anakin to go from good to killing small children was laughable.

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    79. 79 Rodrigo Ramirez says:

      [quote name=Mercurial Outfielder]Yep. WaPo tried to do the same thing with their Op-Ed section about 6 years ago, and it was a massive failure.[/quote]
      Newspapers are dying and obviously tying anything to raise funds. Who the fuck is going to pay to read the Daily Herald? It’s not the New York fucking Times.

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    80. 80 ACT says:

      Marshall is second among all relievers in fWAR.

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    81. 81 Mucker says:

      I agree. I think the story could’ve been told without Darth Vader being such a little bitch (dying laughing)

      Yeah, it was terrible. When I was a kid, I usually only liked the good guys in movies but Darth Vader was always one of my faves. I thought there was no way Vader used to be such a pussy. I would’ve thought Anakin went to the dark side angry, not sniveling like a little bitch.

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    82. 82 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=ACT]Marshall is second among all relievers in fWAR.[/quote]
      How’s he rank in starWARs?

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    83. 83 ACT says:

      The Force is with him.

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    84. 84 Mucker says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]How’s he rank in starWARs?[/quote](dying laughing)
      (dying laughing)
      (dying laughing)
      Well played, sir.

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    85. 85 ACT says:

      His Jedi mind tricks work on opposing batters.

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    86. 86 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=ACT]His Jedi mind tricks work on opposing batters.[/quote]
      That was not the pitch you were looking for.

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    87. 87 mb21 says:

      [quote name=dylanj]i enjoyed Episode III but the amount of time it took Anakin to go from good to killing small children was laughable.[/quote]Exactly, DJ. I barely read the DH as it was, but now I know to never even bother going there again. I think it’s funny that the blogs there are apparently coming at a cost. That’s absurd.

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    88. 88 mb21 says:

      I can still access everything on the DH. When does this happen?

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    89. 89 dylanj says:

      [quote name=mb21]Exactly, DJ. I barely read the DH as it was, but now I know to never even bother going there again. I think it’s funny that the blogs there are apparently coming at a cost. That’s absurd.[/quote]

      these things have nothing in common. but i agree

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    90. 90 Mish says:

      I’m sad I missed the SW chat, but I’ll say the only three I recognize are the originals. The prequels are an abomination, and totally worthless. Messed up the narrative and was poorly executed. I agree with the Plinkett reviews – you either are not dumb, or you like the prequels.

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    91. 91 Rice Cube says:

      Reply #87 —-> best non sequitur EVAR

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    92. 92 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=non sequitur]#87 mb21 2011-09-09 10:58
      Quoting dylanj:
      i enjoyed Episode III but the amount of time it took Anakin to go from good to killing small children was laughable.

      Exactly, DJ. I barely read the DH as it was, but now I know to never even bother going there again. I think it’s funny that the blogs there are apparently coming at a cost. That’s absurd.
      [/quote]
      Of course this could mean that the Daily Herald has turned to the Dark Side and the pay wall will kill small children…which in a way is laughable.

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    93. 93 ACT says:

      [quote name=Yoda]WARs not make one great.[/quote]Looks like Yoda and Buster Olney have another thing in common…

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    94. 94 Mish says:

      [quote name=dylanj]i enjoyed Episode III but the amount of time it took Anakin to go from good to killing small children was laughable.[/quote]
      I think there was too much time spent wrapping everything up in a nice little package (Moff Tarkin, the Death Star, trying to explain how Obi Wan is a ghost in V and VI w/ Jin teaching him about it, etc). Also, this:

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    95. 95 Mish says:

      Also the opening of Revenge is just so muddled emotionally that it makes absolutely no sense (which again, Plinkett illustrates perfectly). It jerks from serious Jedi business and decapitation of Dooku with stupid slapstick comedy with R2D2.

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    96. 96 Rice Cube says:

      Did you ever find it stupid that, as powerful as Vader was, he never realized that Padme was carrying twins?

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    97. 97 binky says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Did you ever find it stupid that, as powerful as Vader was, he never realized that Padme was carrying twins?[/quote]How about the fact that the end of Ep III takes place about 17 years before Ep IV and yet Obi Wan has aged about 40 years. How about the fact that Vader couldn’t find Obi Wan who was hiding ON THE PLANET OF HIS BIRTH. Does Tatooine have some kind of magic forcefield around it that renders Vader retarded?

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    98. 98 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=josh]How about the fact that the end of Ep III takes place about 17 years before Ep IV and yet Obi Wan has aged about 40 years. How about the fact that Vader couldn’t find Obi Wan who was hiding ON THE PLANET OF HIS BIRTH. Does Tatooine have some kind of magic forcefield around it that renders Vader retarded?[/quote]

      Perhaps it’s where the whiny gene originated.

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    99. 99 binky says:

      Plus, are Eps I-III good independently? If you don’t know shit about Vader or Luke, would you care about some whiny kid who is strong with this supposed “Force” business that is basically magic shat out by bacteria? Fuck no. It’s just a lame ripoff borrowing the originals’ coolnesses.

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    100. 100 binky says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Perhaps it’s where the whiny gene originated.[/quote]If there IS a bright center to the universe, you’re on the planet it’s furthest from *meeeelleleeh*

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    101. 101 Mish says:

      [quote name=josh]How about the fact that the end of Ep III takes place about 17 years before Ep IV and yet Obi Wan has aged about 40 years. How about the fact that Vader couldn’t find Obi Wan who was hiding ON THE PLANET OF HIS BIRTH. Does Tatooine have some kind of magic forcefield around it that renders Vader retarded?[/quote]
      Or how about everyone in the original trilogy treat the Force/Jedi as some ancient religion, despite the fact that nearly every character outside of Luke and Leia would have been alive while the Jedi Council still exist?

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    102. 102 GBTS says:

      [quote name=Mish]Or how about everyone in the original trilogy treat the Force/Jedi as some ancient religion, despite the fact that nearly every character outside of Luke and Leia would have been alive while the Jedi Council still exist?[/quote](dying laughing)
      (dying laughing)
      (dying laughing)

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    103. 103 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mish]Or how about everyone in the original trilogy treat the Force/Jedi as some ancient religion, despite the fact that nearly every character outside of Luke and Leia would have been alive while the Jedi Council still exist?[/quote]
      Their “years” are not the same as Earth years it would seem.

      Expecting George Lucas to have logic and continuity is asking a lot especially after Greedo shot first. Or was it Han?

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    104. 104 Rice Cube says:

      The other point is that after the Emperor and Vader took over they could have spread propaganda denouncing the Jedi and affected information flow such that everyone thought the Jedi were extinct for eons. It’s the same kind of methodology that even in our universe allows the media to convince Cubs fans that Sammy Sosa is the Devil.

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    105. 105 GBTS says:

      It’s the same kind of methodology that even in our universe allows the media to convince Cubs fans that Sammy Sosa is the Devil.

      Yeah but they don’t think he played with Cap Anson.

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    106. 106 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=GBTS]Yeah but they don’t think he played with Cap Anson.[/quote]
      Cap Anson is an ancient religion?!

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    107. 107 Mish says:

      It’s all these things that totally muddle the Star Wars mythos, effectively ruining all that was good and holy of the OT.

      Yoda? Ruined. Lightsabers? Ruined. The Force? Ruined. Darth Vader? Ruined.

      In Empire, we find out that Yoda had trained Ben Kenobi, but apparently that wasn’t true; not that it matters though, as apparently Yoda teaches children by the classroom full.

      Also, it’s never made clear why anyone (Trade Federation, Dooku, Greivous) take orders from Sidious/Palpatine. We never find out anything that those characters have to gain.

      What is the prophecy? Why was this not mentioned in the originals? Who made the prophecy? When? What did it say exactly?

      Midichlorians? GTFO. Not to mention it’s never mentioned again after TPM, and could easily have been used as a test to figure out who the Sith Lord in the Senate was.

      Why is C3PO in this movie? Why would Anakin build an already existing droid model? Why would he make a protocol droid/translator for a slave who mostly washes dishes? Why is R2 here? Where did his jetpack come from, and why is that not in the originals?

      Why did Fett hire a different bounty hunter to kill Padme? Isn’t that, like, his job?

      Why is Vader the messiah? He was an important dude, but still just a dude in the OT. He answers to Tarkin, gets made fun of, etc.

      Why is there a shot of every dropped lightsaber? Why is Sam Jackson in this movie? Why does it not look like Coruscant was affected by the war at all? Why is it forbidden to love for a Jedi?

      WHY
      WHY
      WHY

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    108. 108 Rice Cube says:

      It’s a pretty small galaxy far far away.

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    109. 109 Mish says:

      I mean, I can go on.

      Why does Padme have a body double when not a queen?

      Why does Jar Jar get to propose sweeping military legislation as a replacment?

      Why doesn’t the Jedi Council do any research into where Darth Maul came from?

      Same question as above, but the Clone Army in this case?

      Why do the laws of physics only apply sometimes?

      How can Jin smell a toxic gas and identify it without, you know, dying?

      Why can the Republic not scrounge up a volunteer military from thousands of star systems?

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    110. 110 Berselius says:

      The prequels poisoned the well for future generations. One of my friends is a high school teacher and showed A New Hope to her students as a reward post-Giant State Exams and they all hated it. Nearly all of them had seen the prequels and thought that Star Wars was retarded.

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    111. 111 Berselius says:

      [quote name=Mish]I mean, I can go on.

      Why does Padme have a body double when not a queen?

      Why does Jar Jar get to propose sweeping military legislation as a replacment?

      Why doesn’t the Jedi Council do any research into where Darth Maul came from?

      Same question as above, but the Clone Army in this case?

      Why do the laws of physics only apply sometimes?

      How can Jin smell a toxic gas and identify it without, you know, dying?

      Why can the Republic not scrounge up a volunteer military from thousands of star systems?[/quote]
      [quote name=Mish]It’s all these things that totally muddle the Star Wars mythos, effectively ruining all that was good and holy of the OT.

      Yoda? Ruined. Lightsabers? Ruined. The Force? Ruined. Darth Vader? Ruined.

      In Empire, we find out that Yoda had trained Ben Kenobi, but apparently that wasn’t true; not that it matters though, as apparently Yoda teaches children by the classroom full.

      Also, it’s never made clear why anyone (Trade Federation, Dooku, Greivous) take orders from Sidious/Palpatine. We never find out anything that those characters have to gain.

      What is the prophecy? Why was this not mentioned in the originals? Who made the prophecy? When? What did it say exactly?

      Midichlorians? GTFO. Not to mention it’s never mentioned again after TPM, and could easily have been used as a test to figure out who the Sith Lord in the Senate was.

      Why is C3PO in this movie? Why would Anakin build an already existing droid model? Why would he make a protocol droid/translator for a slave who mostly washes dishes? Why is R2 here? Where did his jetpack come from, and why is that not in the originals?

      Why did Fett hire a different bounty hunter to kill Padme? Isn’t that, like, his job?

      Why is Vader the messiah? He was an important dude, but still just a dude in the OT. He answers to Tarkin, gets made fun of, etc.

      Why is there a shot of every dropped lightsaber? Why is Sam Jackson in this movie? Why does it not look like Coruscant was affected by the war at all? Why is it forbidden to love for a Jedi?

      WHY
      WHY
      WHY[/quote]
      A wizard did it

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    112. 112 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mish]It’s all these things that totally muddle the Star Wars mythos, effectively ruining all that was good and holy of the OT.[/quote]
      I can agree with most of this.

      Yoda? Ruined. Lightsabers? Ruined. The Force? Ruined. Darth Vader? Ruined.

      I thought Yoda and lightsabers were portrayed well in the prequels, but Yoda totally wussed out in the last scenes of Episode III. Agree about the Force and Vader.

      In Empire, we find out that Yoda had trained Ben Kenobi, but apparently that wasn’t true; not that it matters though, as apparently Yoda teaches children by the classroom full.

      Would’ve taken way too much ghost Jedi time to explain all that shit to Luke, especially since he was whiny and doesn’t listen to anyone anyway.

      Also, it’s never made clear why anyone (Trade Federation, Dooku, Greivous) take orders from Sidious/Palpatine. We never find out anything that those characters have to gain.

      Because Darth Sidious used his Dark Side to cloud judgment. And Dark Side powers include stealing lots of credits from the First Galactic Bank to pay for all his hench-aliens.

      What is the prophecy? Why was this not mentioned in the originals? Who made the prophecy? When? What did it say exactly?

      They couldn’t mention the prophecy because A. all the relevant Jedi are either dead or dying; 2. because Luke wouldn’t have listened until he was fully trained anyway (see above) and D. because George Lucas hadn’t gotten to that part in his making-shit-up process.

      Midichlorians? GTFO. Not to mention it’s never mentioned again after TPM, and could easily have been used as a test to figure out who the Sith Lord in the Senate was.

      That was so stupid and as you said above, totally demystified the Force. I don’t think they knew the Sith were controlling the Senate until just before Darth Vader turned to the Dark Side in Episode III though or else it would’ve been a viable strategy.

      Why is C3PO in this movie? Why would Anakin build an already existing droid model? Why would he make a protocol droid/translator for a slave who mostly washes dishes? Why is R2 here? Where did his jetpack come from, and why is that not in the originals?

      Anthony Daniels needed a paycheck and had a picture of him blowing George Lucas. R2-D2 was just a lucky droid on the original ship when they escaped from Naboo. Maybe the jetpack rusted after he fell into a puddle one too many times (dying laughing)

      Why did Fett hire a different bounty hunter to kill Padme? Isn’t that, like, his job?

      Maybe he had other shit to do.

      Why is Vader the messiah? He was an important dude, but still just a dude in the OT. He answers to Tarkin, gets made fun of, etc.

      I can’t argue with you today.

      Why is there a shot of every dropped lightsaber? Why is Sam Jackson in this movie? Why does it not look like Coruscant was affected by the war at all? Why is it forbidden to love for a Jedi?

      WHY
      WHY
      WHY

      I kinda liked Sam Jackson and was really pissed off when he died in such a punk way.

      Maybe love leads to the Dark Side…infidelity, divorce, heat-of-the-moment murders…

      /nerd

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    113. 113 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Berselius]The prequels poisoned the well for future generations. One of my friends is a high school teacher and showed A New Hope to her students as a reward post-Giant State Exams and they all hated it. Nearly all of them had seen the prequels and thought that Star Wars was retarded.[/quote]
      They should all be flogged.

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    114. 114 mb21 says:

      [quote name=Berselius]The prequels poisoned the well for future generations. One of my friends is a high school teacher and showed A New Hope to her students as a reward post-Giant State Exams and they all hated it. Nearly all of them had seen the prequels and thought that Star Wars was retarded.[/quote]FWIW, I think that generation would have thought it was retarded even if there weren’t any prequels. I thought they were great movies at the time, but I don’t even think I’d like them if I watched them again.

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    115. 115 Mish says:

      Sorry RC, but I gotta do this:

      I thought Yoda and lightsabers were portrayed well in the prequels, but Yoda totally wussed out in the last scenes of Episode III. Agree about the Force and Vader.

      Yoda should never have had a lightsaber. It ruins the whole idea of Yoda and the Force. Luke never trains with it – understanding the nature of the force and interconnectedness of things. Lightsabers were not a practical weapon for several of the Jedi, like Kid Fisto, who could easily ruin a tentacle with it. Also, the kids training are all within 3 feet of each other when swinging away – what happens when a kid loses an arm?

      Would’ve taken way too much ghost Jedi time to explain all that shit to Luke, especially since he was whiny and doesn’t listen to anyone anyway.

      When Ben says these lines in Empire, it seems to denote a close relationship of master and student, a binary relationship. Not “I was top honors in Jedi class!”

      Because Darth Sidious used his Dark Side to cloud judgment. And Dark Side powers include stealing lots of credits from the First Galactic Bank to pay for all his hench-aliens.

      I mean, what do we know about the Dark Side clouding the good side? Seems like Dues Ex Machina that fanboys rely on to explain anything that Lucas was unable to.

      That was so stupid and as you said above, totally demystified the Force. I don’t think they knew the Sith were controlling the Senate until just before Darth Vader turned to the Dark Side in Episode III though or else it would’ve been a viable strategy.

      There are many references to the Senate being controlled by the Sith. Any logical person (of which there are few in the prequels) would first assume that the Sith was in the Senate. I know I would.

      I kinda liked Sam Jackson and was really pissed off when he died in such a punk way.

      If you wanted a sage, black Jedi, there were better options (Freeman, Whitaker, etc). But Jackson was the top grossing actor, and it’s all about the Benkenobis.

      RC – For the love of God, watch the Plinkett reviews! (dying laughing)

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    116. 116 binky says:

      Mish, you’re my hero now.

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    117. 117 Rice Cube says:

      I’ll watch the reviews when I get home…that’s almost three hours of my day (dying laughing)

      I hope the Cubs have a Lord of the Rings day so we can do this again (dying laughing)

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    118. 118 binky says:

      They could have made sequels, created an entirely new universe for the Force and descendents to play around in. Instead they did prequels, which forced us, ham-fistedly to reevaluate everything we’d already seen, and realize it was stupid.

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    119. 119 Mish says:

      [quote name=josh]Mish, you’re my hero now.[/quote]

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    120. 120 binky says:

      [quote name=Mish][/quote]I guess I’ll have to kill you.

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    121. 121 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=josh]They could have made sequels, created an entirely new universe for the Force and descendents to play around in. Instead they did prequels, which forced us, ham-fistedly to reevaluate everything we’d already seen, and realize it was stupid.[/quote]
      Lots of fan fiction and novels have been written about the Star Wars universe both before and after the movies. I guess it’s easier to take when other nerds to ruin Star Wars for you, but George Lucas doing so is like a betrayal.

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    122. 122 Mish says:

      [quote name=josh]They could have made sequels, created an entirely new universe for the Force and descendents to play around in. Instead they did prequels, which forced us, ham-fistedly to reevaluate everything we’d already seen, and realize it was stupid.[/quote]
      Right. It all comes back to “Does the Vader origin story need to be told?”. At no point during the OT do we think of Vader as Jesus our lord and savior, so why is he that in the prequels?

      As Plinkett points out, Lucas allowed the real world to seep into the movies. Darth Vader is awesome to us, the moviegoer, but was essentially part of a larger story with an ensemble of different characters. But it tried to twist all that into making Vader into the Theory of Everything.

      More nits to pick:

      In the opening title scrawl of TPM, “two Jedi knights” are mentioned, but we quickly find out that Obi-Wan is not a Jedi, just a trainee. Small mistake but still, someone shoulda caught that.

      In the scrawl on RotS, it says “there are heroes on both sides.” What heroes are there on the droid side? Why mention that? Did some droid save a burning village of Wookiee children?

      War is one of the most impactful, emotional events that can occur. Most moviegoers are easily moved by war stories and movies. It even works in the OT, with the Rebels vs the Empire. But when you craft out the largest war in the history of the galaxy, and make the two competing sides robots and clones (a.k.a. disposable humans), the audience has no reason to give a shit at all about what happens in those battles.

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    123. 123 Mish says:

      BTW, none of my criticisms really matter because Lucas fails at the two most important things. Developing empathetic characters with a meaningful arcs and crafting a tight, sensical narrative.

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    124. 124 Rodrigo Ramirez says:

      This could be BS as it comes from Kaplan, but a cause for optimism nonetheless.

      One NL West executive told me this: “I wish I had an owner as committed as Tom Ricketts is. He spent $20 million on amateur signings and he is spending an unbelievable amount of money to build a state of the art academy in the Dominican Republic. We are all a little jealous of the commitment the Cubs have made to rebuild their organization.”

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    125. 125 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mish]But when you craft out the largest war in the history of the galaxy, and make the two competing sides robots and clones (a.k.a. disposable humans), the audience has no reason to give a shit at all about what happens in those battles.[/quote]
      Did they ever explain why they got rid of the clones in the Original Trilogy? Most of the stormtroopers have different voices and are of differing heights.

      The clone troopers were led into battle by Jedi before Order 66 so I guess there’s a bit of empathy there. The droids were controlled by a band of cowardly Chinese/Jew people. George Lucas was a racist bastard when he made the prequels.

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    126. 126 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Rodrigo Ramirez]This could be BS as it comes from Kaplan, but a cause for optimism nonetheless.[/quote]
      Cubs WAR, Episode CIV: A New Hope

      PS: I’ll definitely watch those Red Letter reviews tonight.

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    127. 127 Mucker says:

      When I was a kid, I thought Luke Skywalker was the best. When I rewatched the OT a couple years ago, I had no idea how much of a faget he actually was.

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    128. 128 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

      I was under the impression the entire story was laid out and they started on IV because they thought it would be the best hook.

      I guess my point is that I always thought the story was about Vader.

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    129. 129 Mucker says:

      [quote name=Dr. Aneus Taint]I was under the impression the entire story was laid out and they started on IV because they thought it would be the best hook.

      I guess my point is that I always thought the story was about Vader.[/quote]Right. I was always intrigued by what would be the consensus if Episodes 1-3 were done 30 years ago and he did Episodes 4-6 recently.

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    130. 130 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Dr. Aneus Taint]I was under the impression the entire story was laid out and they started on IV because they thought it would be the best hook.

      I guess my point is that I always thought the story was about Vader.[/quote]
      If the story was ideally set up, it would have been a great story about Vader. It would have talked about how he was discovered, his rise to the greatest ranks of the Jedi, his descension into chaos, and his ultimate redemption.

      The issue (my issue anyway) was that the story was not executed very well, but that is one part George Lucas trying to fix what wasn’t broke and another part nerd nitpicking.

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    131. 131 Mucker says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]If the story was ideally set up, it would have been a great story about Vader. It would have talked about how he was discovered, his rise to the greatest ranks of the Jedi, his descension into chaos, and his ultimate redemption.

      The issue (my issue anyway) was that the story was not executed very well, but that is one part George Lucas trying to fix what wasn’t broke and another part nerd nitpicking.[/quote]When does Lucas do a remake of the original trilogy? That would really have the nerds upset.

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    132. 132 dylanj says:

      I disagree on Yoda. I actually thought they fleshed the character out way more than in the OT. Besides, Yoda was always talked about being the best light saber duelist in non movie stuff before the new movies came out.

      All your faget points are belong to me.

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    133. 133 dylanj says:

      One thing Lucas totally fucked up was showing how the entire Jedi system had its flaws too. The way the Jedi acted free of the law & Senate would have bothered a lot of people. So you could have made a compelling case to show why some people would resist them. Instead he made the other side cartoonish and silly.

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    134. 134 Mucker says:

      [quote name=dylanj]I disagree on Yoda. I actually thought they fleshed the character out way more than in the OT. Besides, Yoda was always talked about being the best light saber duelist in non movie stuff before the new movies came out.

      All your faget points are belong to me.[/quote]Agreed. I remember watching Ep. II in the theaters and all these nerds were hootin and hollerin when Yoda started getting busy with the saber. Great with a light saber, he is.

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    135. 135 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

      As ridiculous as episode III was, it was the most powerful part of the story to me. Maybe because I identify with Anakin’s singular focus, apathy toward everything else and downward spiral. Whatever the reason, it’s my favorite of the six, basically for the last 30-45 minutes alone.

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    136. 136 dylanj says:

      Ep 3 was not my favorite of the series but it had very strong moments. The emotional pull was still there in the 2nd trilogy but the details didnt match up with the world Lucas built in the OT. Its disappointing that a guy who created a world that millions of people enjoyed was so fucking lazy with the details.

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    137. 137 binky says:

      [quote name=Mucker]When does Lucas do a remake of the original trilogy? That would really have the nerds upset.[/quote]Honestly, I’d have been less upset about a remake then the tampering that he has done.

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    138. 138 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

      [quote name=dylanj]Ep 3 was not my favorite of the series but it had very strong moments. The emotional pull was still there in the 2nd trilogy but the details didnt match up with the world Lucas built in the OT. Its disappointing that a guy who created a world that millions of people enjoyed was so fucking lazy with the details.[/quote]
      Respect.

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    139. 139 Plinkett says:

      Nothing makes sense.

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    140. 140 Mish says:

      [quote name=dylanj]I disagree on Yoda. I actually thought they fleshed the character out way more than in the OT. Besides, Yoda was always talked about being the best light saber duelist in non movie stuff before the new movies came out.

      All your faget points are belong to me.[/quote]
      Luke calls Yoda a great warrior, but I don’t think Yoda is actually refered to as a duelist at all ever in the movies. I’ve read some of teh canon books but I don’t think those can be factored in here. Same with the Emperor – he was so skilled with the Force that he didn’t need to use a lightsaber. I think the way the Force is portrayed in the OT vs the NT is very different and inconsistent. I facepalmed when Obi-Wan said “this weapon is your life”.

      I respect your guys’ opinion, but you’re wrong. (dying laughing)

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    141. 141 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=dylanj]Ep 3 was not my favorite of the series but it had very strong moments. The emotional pull was still there in the 2nd trilogy but the details didnt match up with the world Lucas built in the OT. Its disappointing that a guy who created a world that millions of people enjoyed was so fucking lazy with the details.[/quote]
      Episode III was easily the best of the prequels. Which isn’t saying much but I liked the climactic lightsaber scene.

      Which begs the question…if Obi-Wan couldn’t even defeat Count Dooku, how did he stand a chance against a Hulked-out Vader?

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    142. 142 dylanj says:

      If its cannon then its cannon. Movie or not it counts. I knew Yoda was supposedly the best light saber duelist before Ep III so i wasnt surprised to see him kick ass

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    143. 143 Mucker says:

      [quote name=josh]Honestly, I’d have been less upset about a remake then the tampering that he has done.[/quote]Really? I don’t know. That would be like remaking the Superman trilogy……..oh wait.

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    144. 144 dylanj says:

      And the part of Vader not living up to the prophecy was my favorite part of the entire trilogy. When he got fucked up by Obi Wan he went from being what could have been the most powerful Jedi/Sith ever to a robotic shell of himself. The tragedy is seing him reduced to being a pawn of the Emperor in the OT knowing that originally he would have ruled the galaxy.

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    145. 145 Rice Cube says:

      Speaking of Jedi, Vin Scully is featured in this article:

      http://www.gq.com/sports/profiles/201110/vin-scully-announcer-baseball-history

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    146. 146 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=dylanj]And the part of Vader not living up to the prophecy was my favorite part of the entire trilogy. When he got fucked up by Obi Wan he went from being what could have been the most powerful Jedi/Sith ever to a robotic shell of himself. The tragedy is seing him reduced to being a pawn of the Emperor in the OT knowing that originally he would have ruled the galaxy.[/quote]
      It never dawned on me but now that the Sith philosophy is apparent, you could see where each Sith was always secretly undermining the other. In Episode II Dooku tried to recruit Obi-Wan, and in Episode III Sidious had Anakin kill off Dooku so he could become the new apprentice. Then in Episode V, Vader tried to recruit Luke to the Dark Side. Episode VI, Sidious tries to get Luke to become his new apprentice after Vader was struck down. The Sith are dastardly fiends.

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    147. 147 Mish says:

      Okay, are we ever explained what Sith are, BTW? Just bad Jedi? How can Vader destroy the Sith? Wouldn’t the only requirements to be a sith would be to be a big meanie head and have Force powers?

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    148. 148 Rice Cube says:

      Was Yoda insulated because he was a puppet? How was he able to deflect Force lightning with his bare hands?

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    149. 149 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

      [quote name=dylanj]And the part of Vader not living up to the prophecy was my favorite part of the entire trilogy.[/quote]
      I thought he did bring balance to the force…well, the Jedi’s definition anyway.

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    150. 150 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

      [quote name=Mish]Okay, are we ever explained what Sith are, BTW? Just bad Jedi? How can Vader destroy the Sith? Wouldn’t the only requirements to be a sith would be to be a big meanie head and have Force powers?[/quote]
      I would assume it’s like christianity v. satanism. They believe the same shit but choose different sides.

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    151. 151 Mish says:

      [quote name=dylanj]If its cannon then its cannon. Movie or not it counts. I knew Yoda was supposedly the best light saber duelist before Ep III so i wasnt surprised to see him kick ass[/quote]
      I think that’s unfair – most people do not read the extracurricular shit. For the movies, it should be pretty self-contained within the movies. I have no qualms with extending the narrative, but to make a key aspect of it hidden in text that only a small percentage of SW fans will encounter seems weak. It also lends itself to covering up plot holes and inconsistencies by just writing books outside of the movies.

      Stuff happens between the movies in the OT trilogy, but nothing too major that isn’t explained or mentioned in a logical way. In the prequels we are just forced to accept too many things we are and are not told.

      (And yes, Tim, it’s obvious that my opinion is basically the same as Plinkett’s on all things (dying laughing)).

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    152. 152 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

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    153. 153 Aisle424 says:

      [quote name=mb21]FWIW, I think that generation would have thought it was retarded even if there weren’t any prequels. I thought they were great movies at the time, but I don’t even think I’d like them if I watched them again.[/quote]
      I agree with that. They were a product of the time and the fact that they were so far ahead of their time is what made them great in my eyes and others my age. We saw them when we were least cynical about stuff like “quality dialogue” and gigantic plot holes, and most impressed with lasers and spaceships and shit blowing up more realistically than anything we had ever seen before.

      Coupled with performances from the actors that got as much out of the flimsy script as possible and you had awesome characters. Han Solo was fucking cool. Princess Leia was kind of hot and a bit of a badass herself. The gay robots were funny. Chewy was hilarious. Even Luke’s whiny nature got pushed aside when the chips were down, so you kind of saw him grow up and identified with him even if he was annoying.

      The prequels had nothing cool about them. There was nothing compelling. It was all CGI eye-candy and the more I learn about how the actors made their own decisions, and Lucas got talked out of stupid shit in the first movies, makes me realize how bad they would have been if he had wielded the kind of unwavering power he held in the making of the 2nd trilogy.

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    154. 154 Aisle424 says:

      How ’bout them Cubs?

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    155. 155 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]How ’bout them Cubs?[/quote]
      Their powers are weak, old man.

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    156. 156 Rice Cube says:

      I was going to make a remark about the negative faget point Sith lord clouding our judgment but Aisley’s comment could not be ignored (dying laughing)

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    157. 157 uncle dave says:

      [quote name=@kylekinane]Wait til Hal Needham decides to tweak Cannonball Run and finally I get to not shut the fuck up about something for 35 fucking years, dorks.[/quote]..

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    158. 158 uncle dave says:

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      [quote name=Mucker]Really? I don’t know. That would be like remaking the Superman trilogy……..oh wait.[/quote]

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    159. 159 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=uncle dave]..[/quote]
      Cannonball Run was a misuse of Jackie Chan’s awesomeness.

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    160. 160 mb21 says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]I agree with that. They were a product of the time and the fact that they were so far ahead of their time is what made them great in my eyes and others my age. We saw them when we were least cynical about stuff like “quality dialogue” and gigantic plot holes, and most impressed with lasers and spaceships and shit blowing up more realistically than anything we had ever seen before.

      Coupled with performances from the actors that got as much out of the flimsy script as possible and you had awesome characters. Han Solo was fucking cool. Princess Leia was kind of hot and a bit of a badass herself. The gay robots were funny. Chewy was hilarious. Even Luke’s whiny nature got pushed aside when the chips were down, so you kind of saw him grow up and identified with him even if he was annoying.

      The prequels had nothing cool about them. There was nothing compelling. It was all CGI eye-candy and the more I learn about how the actors made their own decisions, and Lucas got talked out of stupid shit in the first movies, makes me realize how bad they would have been if he had wielded the kind of unwavering power he held in the making of the 2nd trilogy.[/quote]I wonder if it would have been possible to create the prequels in a way that pleased the older fans. I’m pretty sure no matter how they were made we’d have heard complaints.

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    161. 161 uncle dave says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]Cannonball Run was a misuse of Jackie Chan’s awesomeness.[/quote]He was only included because Raymond Chow was the producer.

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    162. 163 Mucker says:

      [quote name=mb21]I wonder if it would have been possible to create the prequels in a way that pleased the older fans. I’m pretty sure no matter how they were made we’d have heard complaints.[/quote]Good point. I’m sure there was an attempt to broaden the fanbase and get younger fans involved in Star Wars. I don’t know of too many movies that completely cater to their fanbase.

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    163. 164 Mish says:

      [quote name=mb21]I wonder if it would have been possible to create the prequels in a way that pleased the older fans. I’m pretty sure no matter how they were made we’d have heard complaints.[/quote]
      I do agree with this, but I think it’s totally imaginable that something much better than what we got is doable.

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    164. 165 Mish says:

      The Plinkett reviews point out that so many decisions were made to cast as wide an audience net as possible, to get blacks, girls, etc interested in SW.

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    165. 166 Mucker says:

      How about Star Trek? I really liked the new Star Trek……or are you guys Trekkies too?

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    166. 167 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=uncle dave]He was only included because Raymond Chow was the producer.[/quote]
      He should’ve stuck with Hong Kong movies. Those were the best, especially if they had Jackie Chan in them. Jackie Chan was little more than a throw-in for Cannonball Run. Of course I was only 2 at the time…

      By the time he became more mainstream in the USA, Jackie Chan just got a bit too old to do some of the stunts he was famous for.

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    167. 168 uncle dave says:

      Having girls show up at a Star Wars flick seems like it would just make things uncomfortable for everyone.

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    168. 169 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mucker]How about Star Trek? I really liked the new Star Trek……or are you guys Trekkies too?[/quote]
      I liked the new Star Trek, but some people didn’t:

      http://www.theonion.com/video/trekkies-bash-new-star-trek-film-as-fun-watchable,14333/

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    169. 170 uncle dave says:

      [quote name=Rice Cube]He should’ve stuck with Hong Kong movies. Those were the best, especially if they had Jackie Chan in them. Jackie Chan was little more than a throw-in for Cannonball Run. Of course I was only 2 at the time…

      By the time he became more mainstream in the USA, Jackie Chan just got a bit too old to do some of the stunts he was famous for.[/quote]

      Yup. “Police Story” might be my favorite action flick of all time. He’s also criminally underrated as far as martial arts go. Makes Jet Li look like the hack he is…

      As for Golden Harvest and “Cannonball Run,” it wasn’t their first shot at the American market or at having Jackie Chan cross over. Fun fact: they also produced “Megaforce.” That’s veering into De Laurentiis territory there…

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    170. 171 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Mish]The Plinkett reviews point out that so many decisions were made to cast as wide an audience net as possible, to get blacks, girls, etc interested in SW.[/quote]
      I think a lot of blacks and girls were already fans of Star Wars. I mean, Lando Calrissian was pretty badass too.

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    171. 172 Aisle424 says:

      [quote name=mb21]I wonder if it would have been possible to create the prequels in a way that pleased the older fans. I’m pretty sure no matter how they were made we’d have heard complaints.[/quote]
      I think so too, but Peter Jackson made the LOTR movies that were just as likely to draw criticism from nerds and most people loved them. So it would have been hard, but it could have been done.

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    172. 173 uncle dave says:

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      [quote name=Rice Cube]I think a lot of blacks and girls were already fans of Star Wars. I mean, Lando Calrissian was pretty badass too.[/quote



      Download | Convert YouTube to MP3

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    173. 174 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]I think so too, but Peter Jackson made the LOTR movies that were just as likely to draw criticism from nerds and most people loved them. So it would have been hard, but it could have been done.[/quote]

      What’s with the negative faget point bandit today? (edit: I deserved that (dying laughing))

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    174. 175 Rodrigo Ramirez says:

      There’s not enough faget points to go around today.

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    175. 176 binky says:

      One thing we can all agree on: Carrie Fisher, in every scene she was in…. loaded to the gills on cocaine.

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    176. 177 Rodrigo Ramirez says:

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    177. 178 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

      Eyebrows are important.

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    178. 179 Dr. Aneus Taint says:

      I might shave mine off now.

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    179. 180 Aisle424 says:

      I’m glad Michael Jackson did have eyebrows because otherwise he would have looked freaky.

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    180. 181 GBTS says:

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    181. 182 mb21 says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]I think so too, but Peter Jackson made the LOTR movies that were just as likely to draw criticism from nerds and most people loved them. So it would have been hard, but it could have been done.[/quote]Probably, but was that the type of movie Lucas wanted to make? I think we’re prone to forget about who really invested the time. Lucas invested hundreds and probably thousands of hours making those prequels. In order to be willing to invest such time the person has to get something out of it. I’d say the fact that the movies were so off is evidence that Lucas decided early on it would be a waste of his time to do the movies in any other way.

      I know when the new Star Wars were recent and popular that the family Christmas dinners I attended had children that loved the prequels and were rather indifferent toward the earlier ones. That too has to be considered. There are only so many older Star Wars fans that can pack a movie theater. If you want to spend as much time as he did you want all generations to see it and you want to make a lot of money. So he did something that would appeal to the younger generation knowing many of the older fans would pack the place anyway.

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    182. 183 Berselius says:

      [quote name=Aisle424]I agree with that. They were a product of the time and the fact that they were so far ahead of their time is what made them great in my eyes and others my age. We saw them when we were least cynical about stuff like “quality dialogue” and gigantic plot holes, and most impressed with lasers and spaceships and shit blowing up more realistically than anything we had ever seen before.

      Coupled with performances from the actors that got as much out of the flimsy script as possible and you had awesome characters. Han Solo was fucking cool. Princess Leia was kind of hot and a bit of a badass herself. The gay robots were funny. Chewy was hilarious. Even Luke’s whiny nature got pushed aside when the chips were down, so you kind of saw him grow up and identified with him even if he was annoying.
      [/quote]
      Eh, those movies all came out before I was born and I still loved the shit out of them as a kid, as did all of my friends, and my brother, and all of his friends, and my younger cousins, etc. etc.

      The prequels had nothing cool about them. There was nothing compelling. It was all CGI eye-candy and the more I learn about how the actors made their own decisions, and Lucas got talked out of stupid shit in the first movies, makes me realize how bad they would have been if he had wielded the kind of unwavering power he held in the making of the 2nd trilogy.

      500x times this.

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    183. 184 Mish says:

      I’d also add that I came to Star Wars after I started Jr. High. The first of the Special Edition was released in my 7th grade year, and I watched that in theatres (yes, my first viewing had both Jabba and Greedo shooting first). However I watched the other two on VHS shortly thereafter. I still think it holds up today, if not viewed thru the prism of the prequels. As awesome as the Special FX were, the story is still captivating, the characters still interesting, and the narrative still tight.

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    184. 185 Aisle424 says:

      It was just so hacky. You expect it from Michael Bay, but the expectations for Lucas were too high, I guess.

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    185. 186 Berselius says:

      As the years go by the thing that pisses me off the most about the prequels is that 98% of the lego kits out there are stupid shit from the new movies and not the classic stuff.

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    186. 187 Mish says:

      [quote name=Berselius]As the years go by the thing that pisses me off the most about the prequels is that 98% of the lego kits out there are stupid shit from the new movies and not the classic stuff.[/quote](dying laughing)

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    187. 188 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Berselius]As the years go by the thing that pisses me off the most about the prequels is that 98% of the lego kits out there are stupid shit from the new movies and not the classic stuff.[/quote]
      They discontinued the Lego Millenium Falcon and I can’t find an X-Wing anywhere :-(

      The Lego Death Star is pretty badass though. I’d get one if I had an extra $400 lying around.

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    188. 189 Berselius says:

      I’d even take a Slave One kit (and I could give a shit about Boba Fett) over Random McJedi’s fighter plane.

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    189. 190 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Berselius]I’d even take a Slave One kit (and I could give a shit about Boba Fett) over Random McJedi’s fighter plane.[/quote]
      Those are the most commonly sold out at the Lego Store. The Han Solo in carbonite Lego piece is pretty cool.

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    190. 191 Berselius says:

      I’d even take a Slave One kit (and I could give a shit about Boba Fett) over Random McJedi’s fighter plane.[quote name=Rice Cube]They discontinued the Lego Millenium Falcon and I can’t find an X-Wing anywhere :-(

      The Lego Death Star is pretty badass though. I’d get one if I had an extra $400 lying around.[/quote]
      I just saw a Millenium Falcon at a Target out here this week, though it’s not the uber-expensive giant one that apparently used to be for sale.

      I saw the X-Wing and Death Star kit at the Lego store in Austin a few months ago. I think you have to go to one of those to get them.

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    191. 192 Rice Cube says:

      [quote name=Berselius]I’d even take a Slave One kit (and I could give a shit about Boba Fett) over Random McJedi’s fighter plane.

      I just saw a Millenium Falcon at a Target out here this week, though it’s not the uber-expensive giant one that apparently used to be for sale.

      I saw the X-Wing and Death Star kit at the Lego store in Austin a few months ago. I think you have to go to one of those to get them.[/quote]
      For obvious reasons, the Lego Death Star kit doesn’t sell very well despite its awesomeness so it’s usually available at the Lego Stores here (dying laughing)

      They also have the AT-AT kit which I think is great.

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    192. 193 cdw says:

      Anyone have a recommendations on an internet tube where I can watch big ten games this season? Looking to watch the colon cleansing my undergrad alma matter (Iowa) puts on my former grad school (Iowa State) this weekend. But I’m hoping for a site that will allow me to watch The Hawk all season long.

      I former roommate and I recorded a song about AT-ATs.
      /cool story bro’d

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    193. 194 GBTS says:

      Rays are six behind the Sox, and they play them 7 times in the next two weeks.

      I’m just sayin’.

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    194. 195 Mish says:

      [quote name=GBTS]Rays are six behind the Sox, and they play them 7 times in the next two weeks.

      I’m just sayin’.[/quote]I know this.

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    195. 196 Mish says:

      ^^^ 6.5 games, tho.

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    196. 197 fang2415 says:

      Hmm, I wonder what’s on over at OV today. Probably some cutting-edge analysis of prospects and novel statistical insights on how the team might rebuild under new leadership!

      [quote name=Mish]Sorry RC, but I gotta do this:

      Quote:

      I thought Yoda and lightsabers were portrayed well in the prequels, but Yoda totally wussed out in the last scenes of Episode III. Agree about the Force and Vader.

      Yoda should never have had a lightsaber. It ruins the whole idea of Yoda and the Force. Luke never trains with it – understanding the nature of the force and interconnectedness of things. Lightsabers were not a practical weapon for several of the Jedi, like Kid Fisto, who could easily ruin a tentacle with it. Also, the kids training are all within 3 feet of each other when swinging away – what happens when a kid loses an arm?

      Quote:

      Would’ve taken way too much ghost Jedi time to explain all that shit to Luke, especially since he was whiny and doesn’t listen to anyone anyway.

      When Ben says these lines in Empire, it seems to denote a close relationship of master and student, a binary relationship. Not “I was top honors in Jedi class!”

      Quote:

      Because Darth Sidious used his Dark Side to cloud judgment. And Dark Side powers include stealing lots of credits from the First Galactic Bank to pay for all his hench-aliens.

      I mean, what do we know about the Dark Side clouding the good side? Seems like Dues Ex Machina that fanboys rely on to explain anything that Lucas was unable to.

      Quote:

      That was so stupid and as you said above, totally demystified the Force. I don’t think they knew the Sith were controlling the Senate until just before Darth Vader turned to the Dark Side in Episode III though or else it would’ve been a viable strategy.

      There are many references to the Senate being controlled by the Sith. Any logical person (of which there are few in the prequels) would first assume that the Sith was in the Senate. I know I would.

      Quote:

      I kinda liked Sam Jackson and was really pissed off when he died in such a punk way.

      If you wanted a sage, black Jedi, there were better options (Freeman, Whitaker, etc). But Jackson was the top grossing actor, and it’s all about the Benkenobis.

      RC – For the love of God, watch the Plinkett reviews! (dying laughing)[/quote]
      FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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