It's that time again! Every winter, the Cubs gather their current players, management, and any ex-players for whom they have blackmail material and trot them out like showdogs for their fans in a massive effort to "build their brand" or "polish the turd." Yes, the Cubs Convention is tomorrow and the Cubs have been very busy planning how best to shovel massive portions of Starlin Castro and Anthony Rizzo on us, while conveniently glossing over the fact that Nate Schierholtz is probably going to get a lot of playing time.
This year, the Cubs leave the familiar surroundings at the Hilton Towers and give the Sheraton Chicago Hotel & Towers a whirl. From the descriptions of the convention spaces the Sheraton provides, it seems like there is more space available, which would be good since even in these last down years, the crowds are considerable. No matter how much the Cubs hold our collective heads in the toilet, we keep coming back in droves for more. (It also seems the Ricketts have been cozying up to the Sheraton folks for reasons that are not Cubs Convention related.)
But other than the location, the offerings at this year's Cubs Convention are very familiar to the previous iterations. Some of the highlights include:
- Ricketts Family Forum: Tom, Laura, Pete and Todd Ricketts will talk about their experience as the Cubs owners over the last three years and take questions from fans.
The Ricketts' welcome from the fans has degraded quite a bit from the hero's welcome they received at their first Convention. That first year, people were practically ready to sacrifice their first-borns on the altar of the Ricketts. But the bloom is off the rose now and many Cubs fans are disillusioned after 101 losses under noted snake-oil salesman, Theo Epstein. I expect every year for the crowd to boo the Ricketts, but they haven't yet and I don't think they will this year either. It won't be raucous applause anymore, but it won't be hostile. Not until they start talking about more video scoreboards in the stadium, anyway. The highlight is when Pete Ricketts comes out of his burrow for the one time per year and predicts the weather based on the shadow of his bald head.
- Meet Cubs Baseball Management: Theo Epstein, president of baseball operations, will be joined by general manager Jed Hoyer, assistant general managers Randy Bush and Shiraz Rehman and manager Dale Sveum to talk about the team's recent moves and what lies ahead.
Every year they throw Randy Bush into this session and every year nobody asks Randy Bush a question because nobody gives a shit. I'm seriously considering grabbing the microphone and asking him his favorite color just so he gets to say something.
- From Draft Day to the Big Leagues: Minor League prospects Dallas Beeler, Matt Szczur, Robert Whitenack and Tony Zych will discuss what it's like to get drafted by the Cubs and advance through the system.
Dallas Beeler? Who or what is a Dallas Beeler? Why did they lead off with Dallas Beeler in this description? Sure Szczur, Whitenack and Zych might never crack the majors either, but we've at least heard of them. Hey Randy, who the fuck is Dallas Beeler?
- Dale Sveum and the coaching staff: Sveum and his staff will talk about the team and answer questions.
They'll "talk about the team and answer questions." That sounds scintillating. jesus, not even a Dallas Beeler mention to spice things up. Way to bring the sizzle, Cubs marketing department! In reality, it actually does sound better than the 60 minutes of people bitching about the bunting tournament that this will inevitably turn into.
- For Kids Only Press Conference, presented by Advocate Health Care: Kids will get to play reporter and ask players questions. The panel will feature Darwin Barney, David DeJesus, Brooks Raley, Anthony Rizzo and Chris Rusin.
This is probably where the most intelligent questions will get asked all weekend. I might pop my head in just to see if Kim DeJesus is lingering around anywhere. I may have to borrow someone's kid.
- Renew Wrigley Field: Cubs executives will discuss ideas to preserve and renew Wrigley Field based on input from Cubs fans, season ticket holders and the community.
We're still just TALKING about it? Holy hell, shouldn't you know what to do with the stadium by now? It is 2013 and the Ricketts have owned the team since 2009 and haven't shut up about preserving and renewing the stadium since then. Crane has been there for at least eight years and this should probably be the #1 thing he would be working on and we're still just TALKING about it? I get that they don't have the money and some tweaks to the overall plan will happen as long as they aren't pouring concrete, but for the love of God, let's at least cut the fans out of this process by now. Haven't there been enough surveys? At least when the Cubs wouldn't shut up about the troughs, the troughs actually, you know, GOT RENOVATED! OR SO THEY SAY! I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE!
- Not for Women Only: Baker, Feldman, Matt Garza, James Russell and Travis Wood will discuss their personal lives off the field.
They're resurrecting Kathy & Judy's old bit where the players make really obvious baseball lingo double-entendres and everyone thinks it is just hilarious. This was usually Ryan Dempster's favorite session because he got to tell his tale of dressing up like Captain America every year like it was the first time we ever heard that story. Normally, this would be the annual Mike Bielecki sighting, but he must not have been able to squeeze this into his busy schedule of sitting on the couch in his underwear. I bet we hear way more about Matt Garza's shaving cream pies than any human could ever imagine possible.
- WGN Radio's Sports Central: WGN Radio's Jim Memolo and Glen Kozlowski's live broadcast will feature segments with DeJesus and Garza; Barney and Jeff Samardzija; Tony Campana and Starlin Castro; and Jackson, Jackson and Rizzo in a live broadcast.
It's ON THE RADIO! The players will talk about how they're REALLY anxious to get to Mesa and the team is really ready to prove last year is behind them and start playing winning Cubs Way baseball. And it will be ON THE RADIO! And you can sit there quietly and just listen! It really is quite something.
Yes, the wonders of the Cubs Convention are many and I hope to mock it as much as possible on Twitter, so follow along if you'd like.
Also, for those lucky enough to also be attending, the annual, semi-planned Cubs blogger/tweeter/loser meet-up will be happening at the hotel bar named, (I swear I am not making this up) Chi-Bar. In the past you have not needed a Convention pass to get access to the bar, but it's a different location and I really don't know what to expect. After a drink or two at Chi-Bar, the plan is to head to Lizzie McNeil's which is right next to the hotel and has a better beer and whiskey list (and you definitely don't need a pass to get in there). I expect I'll be arriving at the Chi-Bar somewhere around 7:00ish. I expect to be hammered by 7:02ish. So come on out if you dare.
Comments
If I was going to the convention I’d absolutely come watch Aisley piss himself by 8.
MishQuote Reply
@ Mish:
Like you have something better to do? Get your ass to Lizzie McNeils. You look pretty Irish, I’m sure there won’t be a problem.
Aisle424Quote Reply
@ Mish:
Aisley actually seems to hold his liquor quite well.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
Those are the panels they do every year? There’s only one thing there in which my interest level would be above a 1 (scale 1-10): the Theo thingy and that’s about a 2 since pretty much everything he says will be posted elsewhere. I assume advancing through the Cubs system is the same as any other system so heard it a million times before.
I don’t drink and have even less interest being around drunk people than I do listening to Cubs fans talk about renewing Wrigley Field for the 83rd straight year.
dmick89Quote Reply
@ dmick89:
They vary a little bit each year in who is on the panels, but yeah, they’re basically the same every year. I like to people watch and mock them.
Aisle424Quote Reply
Sosa’s Bacon Number is 2: He was in Kissing a Fool with Kari Wuhrer, who was in The Air I Breathe with Kevin Bacon.
Rizzo the RatQuote Reply
@ Aisle424:
That could be fun. And depressing. (dying laughing)
dmick89Quote Reply
In all seriousness, I wouldn’t mind going to one at some point, but if it’s a lineup like this I really have no interest. I certainly wouldn’t fly in to Chicago just for this and can’t imagine I couldn’t find something better to do if I was in Chicago. If I still drank I imagine I would have gone to these before, but I fully intend to remain sober. As much fun as some of you might be to hang around, it won’t be much fun to hang around a bunch of drunk people.
I didn’t go to my 10 or 15 year high school reunion for the same reason and won’t go to my 20th this year. I’d like to see some of them again at some point, but I’m not going to hang around drunk people. I didn’t even like myself when I was a drunk. (dying laughing)
dmick89Quote Reply
@ dmick89:
Yeah, perfectly understandable. Though last year I damn near stole drunk Paul Sullivan’s laptop because we have practically the same type of bag and he left it just sitting by the bar near mine while he was off doing whatever it is he does, so there’s that. Good times.
Aisle424Quote Reply
To be honest, about the only way to spend any amount of time around the people that go to Cubs Convention unironically is to be as drunk as possible without projectile vomiting.
Aisle424Quote Reply
@ dmick89:
I went for free (dying laughing)
I think it’s one of those things where in any given year I’d go only if it was free (helps that I live in the city where public transit is very reliable), but I’d probably pay if they traded for, I dunno, Giancarlo Stanton. Maybe.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
I very much wish I could go this year, and I’ll technically be in Chicagoland during the convention, but only because I’m driving from Indianapolis to Milwaukee to hang out with old college friends.
Also, Chi Bar sounds like maybe the worst place to be drinking next to Phil Rogers.
MylesQuote Reply
I know of at least 2 of the 47 OV writers are going, though. Should be a blast.
MylesQuote Reply
Search term of the day: girls and boys fuck and suck in 18-75 ages in japanese schools
This is pretty out there even for this wretched hive of scum and villainy we’re running here.
Aisle424Quote Reply
@ Myles:
You’re definitely coming out, Myles? We gotta have each other’s backs when the Rant Sports brahs want to rumble.
Aisle424Quote Reply
Wait… I didn’t read every word. Who is the other OV representative?
Aisle424Quote Reply
I misspoke and feel dumb. I think it’s just you. Next year, I’ll be there.
MylesQuote Reply
@ Aisle424:
OV / Rant rumble
WaLiQuote Reply
@ WaLi:
Wow, I think GW just killed a guy with a trident.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
there is an outside chance that i’ll be there, 424. although i probably won’t show up til 8. you’ll recognize me by looking for the guy that i am.
EnricoPallazzoQuote Reply
@ EnricoPallazzo:
I’m going to be upset if you don’t look like Leslie Nielsen.
Aisle424Quote Reply
I won’t be there, 424.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
Garza –> playing this year for $10.25M
WaLiQuote Reply
@ Aisle424:
i think your post on this site are classless and degrading to any true Cubs fan it seams to me you must be a White Sox fan. Nate Schierholtz deserves a shot to do something his numbers are not that impressive, however, how can they be when they guy has never had any consistent playing time. As for the rest of your post im looking forward to seeing If Stew can stay healthy and how our pitching will improve from last year. Plus the bull pen will be better as well
mikeQuote Reply
@ mike:
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
JonKneeVQuote Reply
@ mike:
Not sure if serious.
MishQuote Reply
@ mike Schierholtz :
Did you know that Nate Schierholtz’s nickname is Nate the Great? I think he gave that to himself on Wiki. He also bats without batting gloves… who was the last player on the Cubs to do that? All I’m saying is I wouldn’t be shaking Nate’s hand at the Cubs Convention.
WaLiQuote Reply
Who the fuck is Stew?
dmick89Quote Reply
@ Mish:
I’m going with not serious because otherwise, WTF.
dmick89Quote Reply
@ mike:
Finally, a Cubs fan who “gets it.”
MylesQuote Reply
@ mike:
Ryno?
Rice CubeQuote Reply
A “true” Cubs fan!
dmick89Quote Reply
@ dmick89:
Ian Stewart?
WaLiQuote Reply
Myles wrote:
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
MuckerQuote Reply
Mike, you spelled “seems” wrong.
MuckerQuote Reply
@ JonKneeV:
@ Mish:
@ WaLi:
@ dmick89:
@ Rice Cube:
@ Mucker:
You guys are all jabronis. Poor mike comes here looking for girls and boys fuck and suck in 18-75 ages in japanese schools. He finds a Cubs blog, offers a differing opinion, and you all attack him because you lack confidence. This place is no better than BCB!
WaLiQuote Reply
@ WaLi:
MishQuote Reply
BTW – there’s a less than 10% chance I do anything but pass out at 5 PM tonight, but shoot me a tweet or FB message when you head to LM. If I am out in some fashion I will come.
MishQuote Reply
@ Rice Cube:
No, turns out this Mike left another comment earlier this month and interestingly, he mentioned both Schierholtz and Stew. I’m still (dying laughing) at Stew.
In his first comment, he attacked berselius. Now it’s 424’s turn.
dmick89Quote Reply
dmick89 wrote:
It’s only a matter of time before he exacts his revenge on all of you.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
Via Sickels last MiL update:
Brooks Raley, LHP, Chicago Cubs
Bats: L Throws: L HT: 6-3 WT: 185 DOB: July 29, 1988
A sixth-round pick in 2009 from Texas A&M, Brooks Raley made his major league debut last summer, making five starts for the Cubs. He pitched adequately in three of those starts, but got knocked around in the other two, resulting in the numbers you see above. Raley is a four-pitch lefty, working with an 85-90 MPH fastball (averaging 88), a slider/cutter, a changeup, and a curveball. None of his pitches qualify as plus, resulting in a thin margin for error, but when he throws strikes he can be effective. He was tough on lefties in the minors and might transfer to LOOGY work. However, since he’s a very good athlete with a consistent delivery and good makeup, the temptation is to see if he can eat some innings as a fifth starter. The sabermetric case for Raley is a weak one, but for some subjective reason I think he might surprise us eventually with a Scott Diamond-like season. Grade C.
MishQuote Reply
new shit: http://obstructedview.net/news-and-rumors/cubs-and-matt-garza-avoid-arbitration.html
dmick89Quote Reply
I have to express my affection for your kind-heartedness giving support to those people who need guidance on this important subject. Your very own commitment to passing the message along turned out to be really productive and has always empowered men and women just like me to realize their aims. Your new useful help indicates a great deal a person like me and even further to my colleagues. With thanks; from everyone of us.
Carlos BerlangaQuote Reply
Do you know which snake stands out as the longest?
Kate DircksenQuote Reply