There has been much talk in recent nadirs on the Cubs' undulating saga of suck years about the unwritten rules of baseball. Don't steal when you're up by ten runs. Don't steal when you're down by ten runs. Don't swing at 3-0 pitches when you're up by five runs. So, since it's Friday and I haven't put up a daily facepalm in a couple of days (let's not explore the paradox hanging between the daily facepalm's moniker and its haphazard occurrence, that's not what this is about), I thought it would be a good time to review some unwritten rules for the Chicago Cubs to follow. I understand that this technically undoes their unwrittenness, but I think it's time we move out of the era of oral tradition as it obviously has its flaws resulting in gross misapplication of unwritten rules. Right, Steve? Of course. Here we go.
10. You suck.
Wait, never mind. That one's been written many times.
10. If you suck, try not to ruin it for the players that don't.
9. If you throw at Bryce Harper, hit Bryce Harper, not a lonely patch of dirt somewhere in the general vicinity of Bryce Harper's feet.
8. Before criticizing the way an opponent hits, first learn to hit. Either a moving baseball or a stationary Bryce Harper, learn to hit at least one of them.
7. If Team A has the best record in the league and Team B has one of the worst records in the history of baseball, Team A should be criticizing Team B and not the other way around.
6. Unwritten rules are best left unspoken.
5. The fifth inning of last night's game is not the time to be giving up.
4. The appropriate time to give up was May 6 at 3:11 p.m.
3. Don't ever shut down your ace on the brink of the playoffs. You never know when his career might end. (Sorry, that's for the Nationals.)
2. Don't ever overuse your ace in the playoffs. You never know how it might injure them permanently. (Sorry, that's for the 2003 Cubs.)
1. Getting angry at an opposing batter for swinging at pitches is as idiotic as getting angry at an opposing pitcher for continuing to pitch.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/CHN/CHN201205060.shtml
In true Cubs fashion, they sucked at giving up (dying laughing)
For those who don’t want to click, the Cubs beat the Dodgers 4-3.
(dying laughing), well done, AC
(dying laughing)
When the Nats were up by 5 runs and their pitcher continued to throw strikes, I was like, “what a jerk”..
/Steve Clevenger’s bum piss
Blake Parker ———-> Back on the 60-day DL
Cubs playoff hopes ————> crushed
@ Suburban kid:
I like that Clevenger also slighted Lendy Castillo in his statement. That was my favorite part.
@ Suburban kid:
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
“I have an unwritten rule: if you throw at someone, fucking hit them!”
Seriously, WTF is Clevenger talking about? That’s so fucking dumb, I can’t believe that sentence was the result of human cognitive processes.
This is epic (mobile link):
http://m.deadspin.com/5941348/they-wont-magically-turn-you-into-a-lustful-cockmonster-chris-kluwe-explains-gay-marriage-to-the-politician-who-is-offended-by-an-nfl-player-supporting-it?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow
Rice Cube wrote:
Quit while you’re ahead. That’s my favorite written rule.
josh wrote:
That was fricken awesome.
@ josh:
Sveum did, too. Blamed it on “Theo’s Rule 5 Guy” not having any control. I think there’s some real discontinuity between the FO and the dugout and I think it’s going to cost Sveum his job.
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
I didn’t catch that. I know someone said you don’t fire guys for this, but this feels like a turning point, to me. I mean, I would think Theo wants his guys to behave professionally, not resort to horseshit like this.
@ AndCounting:
Cutting something short because it’s going good is my favorite unwritten rule.
Tomorrow —————> F7′s last start of the season
“Cubs rotation now T. Wood, Germano, Volstad, Rusin and newest addition Berken”
*throws hands up in the air.*
Nice to see that ESPN3 is showing the Clemens game again tonight (if only they still showed MLB games…)
@ josh:
They have someone to watch every day!
@ AndCounting:
I can’t argue with you today.
@ Berselius:
They’re replacing him with some Berken guy. Late push for the #1 pick.
AC had a good point that Ron Santo used to always get mad if the Cubs didn’t keep “adding on” even with a 5-run lead. And Ron was as old school as you get.
@ Berselius:
Smart move. Although I fear it foreshadows an extension. Which I do not see ending well.
Kasper is being real ass on the radio trying to pretend like there are defensible reasons for what the Cubs did.
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
I’m just going to assume that’s self-preservation.
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
The vid I posted yesterday was from the Nats’ point of view but Len and Bob were both defending Jamie Quirk last night and wondered why the Nats coach wasn’t ejected. My theory is that the 3B ump heard everything Quirk said since he’s within proximity of the coach’s box, and if only Quirk was ejected, it had to be pretty fucking bad.
@ Rice Cube:
Yep. And Len tried to keep up this inane defense that Porter created the incident by responding. So it’s ok if the Cubs respond to people playing baseball, but it’s not okay for the Nats’ 3B coach to respond to being verbally assaulted for something a player did. Wonderful analysis from the Cubs PBP guy.
@ josh:
I wouldn’t want to work for someone who wouldn’t let me tell the truth.
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
@ Suburban kid:
You’re breaking up the blog.
Great play by Soriano: http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=24560111&c_id=mlb
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
Aw man, journalists have to do all kinds of bullshit. It’s the worst job.
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
I agree, and I’m not commending Len for doing it. A better way to phrase it might be that he’s trying to play devil’s advocate.
Or hell, maybe he even believes the Cubs weren’t at fault and that you never swing 3-0 with a 5-run lead. I don’t know.
I assume Brett Jackson is going to be okay.
@ Rice Cube:
what happened?
@ josh:
It’s on the Gameday. He made an incredible catch and then slammed face-first into the OF fence area. Was down for a bit but walked off the field under his own power. Looked like he might have snapped his neck back a bit.
Ouch.
ESPN says only a bruised knee.
I just watched Contagion. I am never leaving my house again.
Quirk is yelling obscenities at himself.
Brett Jackson catch/injury:
http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=24563479&c_id=chc&partnerId=aw-4882741367257613379-1023
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
Eh, I’m okay with an extension because I think this FOO knows what they’ve got. It’s not like Samardzija has any leverage over them, he’s still 3 years from FA
@ AndCounting:
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
Comment of the Day!
How are the Cubs leading? They shouldn’t even have been swinging the bat once they got to 5 runs.
@ josh:
The seven errors and bunches of walks kinda helped.
@ Rice Cube:
How dare they take all those 3-0 balls?
@ AndCounting:
Is that covered under Unwritten Rule 6.07x?
@ Rice Cube:
Well, then they should have been swinging at 3-0 so they didn’t get walked.
Wait… let me check my unwritten rulebook and get back to you.
Holy shit, 7 errors!?
Hell of catch by Bert, but man that looked painful.
The Cubs are taking a giant shit on the unwritten rule book.
@ Mercurial Outfielder:
Isn’t there an unwritten rule that you can break unwritten rules?
That was the most lukewarm tossing I’ve ever seen, both on the side of Hurdle and Darling. Hurdle must have just been saying “Throw me out Gary, I’m out of gum. Please?”
@ Rice Cube:
Sveum’s not worried about blowing the lead because he expects the Pirates to stop trying after they score 5 runs.
Does Pittsburgh have a legit shot, or are their seams all showing now? There are actually a lot of close races, surprisingly.
Wow, the ‘Stros pounded Aroldis. Talk about David and Goliath.
@ Rizzo the Rat:
Is Goliath his real name? I always thought “Chapman” sounded suspiciously Anglican.
The Hurdle slow-toss:
http://chicago.cubs.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=24561947&c_id=mlb
WTF was Brett Jackson thinking? That was Theriot-esque.
@ Rice Cube:
AGGRESSIVE. BASERUNNING!
Teh Cubz way!
Let me introduce you:
My good friend Scutigera coleoptrata. He’s an immigrant from the Mediterranean region.
@ Rice Cube:
Yeah, that was bad. I though the
unwrittenrule was that you didn’t run if the ball was hit in front of you.@ josh:
He should’ve had a full view of the SS and his positioning prior to the play. Sometimes you can make it especially if the SS has to move laterally, but this was hit right to the guy. I guess Brett Jackson knows he’s fast.
Also, is that like a millipede/spider thing? I know it’s an arthopod of some sort and that’s about it (dying laughing)
I finally got a chance to check out the WTF podcast (had to put kid to bed before I turned on the F-bombing) and it is enjoyable. I’m not sure if you guys saw it already, but Dale Sveum was not in agreement with his bench coach:
http://espn.go.com/blog/chicago/cubs/post/_/id/13376/cubs-not-in-complete-agreement-over-spat
At some point they’re going to talk about the coaching staff and I really wonder how much this incident factors in.
@ Rice Cube:
House centipede, commonly called. They live in your house because the temp stays even over the year, which mimics their Mediterranean origins. They also eat things like spiders, silverfish, bed bugs, cockroaches and other things usually considered pests, so they are a beneficial predator. This one, after I photographed it, I blew on it gently to get it moving, it let go of the wall, used its legs to parachute to the floor, and disappeared under the baseboard like an armored ninja.
They live for a full year?
@ Suburban kid:
They live several years, actually.
@ josh:
Shut me right up.
It was funny hearing calm, stable, mature AC going off on WTF.
What with MB and MO mellowing out over the last few years, it was nice to hear an OV author blow a gasket for a change.
@ Suburban kid:
(dying laughing)
New fucking shit:
http://www.obstructedview.net/chicago-cubs/daily-facepalm-9-8-2012.html