DFP: The Friday Five, 1-27-12

In Facepalm by andcounting162 Comments

 

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Top Ten Signs the Cubs Might Contend This Year

The Cubs aren’t that good. They were bad last year, and they haven’t taken any dramatic steps forward this offseason. They haven’t even taken very many marginally impressive steps forward. Baby steps maybe? LMFAO shuffling steps, perhaps, but this train ain’t pulling out of Losing-Season Station anytime soon. Case in point: there is no news to report today. Nothing of note. The Friday Facepalm is going to be pretty short, unlike the odds of the Cubs contending.

The few good things that have happened have involved the Cubs’ competition. Albert Pujols is gone. Prince Fielder is gone. Ryan Braun may miss 50 games. The Astros have an identity crisis, and the Pirates are the Pirates. And, oh yeah, the Reds. Well, here are a few other developments that, if they should happen, would point to the Cubs having a chance at contending thanks to addition by infarction:

10. Asteroid hits Cincy.

9. Ryan Braun syphilis rumors turn out to be true and rambunctious shower incident on 3-for-1 cocktail night wreaks havoc on the Brewers’ collective ability to walk.

8. Everyone who believes in Cubbies claps their hands and makes a wish and clicks their heels together three times and maybe stabs random members of NL Central opponents.

7. Your mom.

6. Ronnie Woo Woo changes name to Ronnie Voo Doo.

5. Pack of rabid dogs occupy visitor clubhouse at Wrigley.

4. Mayan calendar magically turns into a W flag.

3. You just woke up from a coma to find this year is actually 2018.

2. Dude, I’m having a hell of a time thinking of ten things, even impossible things, that could allow the Cubs to contend.

1. Every single game: Metamucil in the other guys’ Gatorade.

WTF

Wrigley Talk Friday with Aisley, ACey, and Julie allegedly airs today at 1:00 CT. No idea what we could talk about. None.

Is there a Cubs game today?

No.

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Comments

  1. Mucker

    The season hasn’t even started yet and you’re predicting how the Cubs can win the division? Thanks, but I’ll wait awhile.

    /First post’d

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  2. GBTS

    Mercurial Outfielder wrote:

    Wait, we can’t edit our comments anymore? I live in a world of shit now.

    Yeah, you can’t change your 3:30 A.M. sexual propositions into rants about Paul Sullivan at 6 A.M. anymore.

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  3. Mercurial Outfielder

    GBTS wrote:

    Mercurial Outfielder wrote:

    Wait, we can’t edit our comments anymore? I live in a world of shit now.
    Yeah, you can’t change your 3:30 A.M. sexual propositions into rants about Paul Sullivan at 6 A.M. anymore.

    Don’t be jealous just because they weren’t intended for you.

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  4. GBTS

    Mercurial Outfielder wrote:

    GBTS wrote:
    Mercurial Outfielder wrote:
    Wait, we can’t edit our comments anymore? I live in a world of shit now.
    Yeah, you can’t change your 3:30 A.M. sexual propositions into rants about Paul Sullivan at 6 A.M. anymore.

    Don’t be jealous just because they weren’t intended for you.

    Hey, I answered them, you said I wasn’t mannish enough.

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  5. Mucker

    @ josh:
    Josh don’t you mean:

    Twink, Twink, fudge, fudge, gay no more, gay no more?

    /Wasn’t around to participate in gay bashing Josh last time’d

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  6. josh

    There:

    [img src=”http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6206/6121502494_2592abbb6b_m.jpg” width=”240″ height=”160″ alt=”Bug Love”]

    replace [ with <,
    evaporates:

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  7. testyMcTestTest

    Mucker wrote:

    What doe’s the “#” next to the date stamp do?

    It allows you to link directly to a comment

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  8. Mish

    Yes I have the same issue as Josh (the one where my images don’t show an the HTML disappears, not the one where he finds attractive women unattractive).

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  9. adnielsen

    BOBBY SCALES! Now we just need to trade for Micah Hoffpauir, find Julio Zuleta, and bring Tuffy Rhodes out of retirement.

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  10. josh

    adnielsen wrote:

    BOBBY SCALES! Now we just need to trade for Micah Hoffpauir, find Julio Zuleta, and bring Tuffy Rhodes out of retirement.

    With Doug Dascenzo to pitch.

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  11. adnielsen

    @ josh:
    He tripled my first game at Wrigley, so I’d be down for that more, as long as it doesn’t send us over our $105 million payroll.

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  12. Rice Cube

    Oooh, a half hour window to edit my post. I guess I should make sure to change that post about how you guys are a bunch of mindless statfags before my time runs out.

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  13. adnielsen

    This is my first time listening to WTF. Who are Tim McGinnis, Adam Kellogg, and Julie DiCaro? Are they on OV? If so, what’s their screen names?

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  14. Mish

    Julie sometimes posts here as cubbiejulie, though it’s been awhile. She ran “A League of Her Own” and is part of the writer crew at Aerys Sports.

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  15. adnielsen

    josh wrote:

    Tim is Aisle424, and Adam is AndCounting, unless it’s the other way around. Julie has her own blog.

    Gracias.

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  16. josh

    mb21 wrote:

    josh wrote:
    testyMcTestTest wrote:
    u to lin
    When I click “quote” it sometimes does this ^^

    It sometimes does what?

    Just quotes partial text from the original quote. Actually, it happened when I quoted this, and it pulled text from Mish’s post. If I click “quote” a second time, then it’s fine.

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  17. jtsunami

    How am I supposed to know what posts are funny without a green highlighted post? I’m too lazy to read all of these. This shit be TGIF’s all up in here.

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  18. josh

    I posted a full Flickr copy, which includes an anchor tag to the original file, and it killed only the image tag, so that there’s an href tag around nothing.

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  19. mb21

    josh wrote:

    wordpress.org/extend/plugins/wordpress-comment-images/

    That says it’s only compatible up to WordPress 2.9.2. This is 3.3.1. I’ll try it though.

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  20. josh

    mb21 wrote:

    josh wrote:
    wordpress.org/extend/plugins/wordpress-comment-images/
    That says it’s only compatible up to WordPress 2.9.2. This is 3.3.1. I’ll try it though.

    Yeah, I just noticed that too.

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  21. WaLi

    [img]http://vista-wallpaper.org/wp-content/gallery/funny-pictures/2_funny.jpg[/img]

    I saw you in the street the other day josh. Converses are cool. Also, nice sack. It’s yellow and it looks like it can hold a lot of stuff.

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  22. josh

    Hm.
    [img]http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6189/6120955411_85c6d8b2c2_z.jpg[/img]
    So now the old square bracket img code works. You don’t have to actually click on the link.

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  23. josh

    WaLi wrote:

    I saw you in the street the other day josh. Converses are cool. Also, nice sack. It’s yellow and it looks like it can hold a lot of stuff.

    If this is your way of asking if you can touch my balls, the answer is “Yes, for $4.”

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  24. Mish

    Russ Canzler was DFA’d by the Rays. I know with Rizzo and LaHair we have some 1B options but he’s raked the last two seasons in the minors. Worth a flier? He was in the Cubs system previously…

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  25. Urk

    Nice. But the lack of like/dislike buttons has reduced my meager participation by about 50%. I know, I know, haters gon’ hate.

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  26. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    Testing:[img]https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/400421_10101236562231190_1906997_68655330_1661164703_n.jpg[/img]

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  27. Suburban kid

    Sorry if I went too far by posting your family photo up there berselius.

    To make amends, I will give you one of my baseball cards.

    [img]http://thesportshernia.typepad.com/blog/images/unfrozen_caveman_lawyer_card.jpg[/img]

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  28. Suburban kid

    A joke:

    The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made
    by Winston Churchill.

    After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian
    cruise liner and some Italian journalists asked why an ex British
    Prime Minister should chose an Italian ship.

    There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship
    said Churchill.

    First their cuisine is unsurpassed.

    Second their service is superb.

    And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about
    women and children first.

    My mom sent me that, and apologized in advance in case I thought it was “too sick”. (dying laughing)

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  29. Suburban kid

    Unless you are special, there should be some text under the “Submit Comment” button that says

    You can add images to your comment by clicking here.

    not unexpectedly, “clicking here” is hyperlinked to one of those pop up things where you enter your fucking image URL.

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  30. Mish

    Suburban kid wrote:

    not unexpectedly, “clicking here” is hyperlinked to one of those pop up things where you enter your fucking image URL.

    I’m no exhibitionist; pictures of me fucking are not to be posted here.

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  31. Rodrigo Ramirez

    Mish wrote:

    Rodrigo Ramirez wrote:

    What’s with the timer after you post?
    It’s a bomb. GET OUT

    Did you plant it? I see you are made of brown.

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  32. fang2415

    Hm, a new blogging system you say? Time for a test drive…

    [img]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2397/2123875890_2d23f32ce6.jpg[/img]

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  33. SkipVB

    Suburban kid wrote:

    If stupid images aren’t post-able, I might as well log out. I got nothing else.

    Well, you could always close the curtains since you

    don’t mind manually refreshing.

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  34. SkipVB

    SInce we are on wishlists for the newly discredited website, here are mine:

    1. A “preview comment’ function

    2. When the page loads up, we hear one of JoePa’s greatest motivational speeches with angel’s humming in the background, until the “Joe Paterno Speaks” unobstructed view is knocked off the front page.

    Thanks!

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  35. fang2415

    Glad to see that this business about unregistered users not being able to refresh for new comments was made up. I hate having to log in to a billion sites every time I restart my browser (dying laughing)

    WenningtonsGorillaCock wrote:

    Testing:

    Also, this test wins the internet.

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  36. fang2415

    My life feels incomplete without faget points. Everybody who’s posted something funny in this thread, please just imagine that I wrote (dying laughing) in response. Everybody who wrote something stupid in this thread, you’re an idiot. (dying laughing)

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  37. fang2415

    These timers are making me feel like I should hurry up and edit my comments even if they don’t need editing. It’s like a limited-time offer on an extended warantee. (dying laughing)

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  38. Rodrigo Ramirez

    Not that you care but the two things I really miss are “end of comments” and “refresh comments” functions.

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  39. fang2415

    Rodrigo Ramirez wrote:

    Not that you care but the two things I really miss are “end of comments” and “refresh comments” functions.

    Please read the post about posting before posting

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  40. mb21

    @ Rodrigo Ramirez:
    I plan to add end of comments and top of comments link. They’re nice for the phone. There’s also another option that I might try first (it’s part of the reply/quote buttons plugins. Can’t do a refresh comments on WordPress unless one of you wants to write the script to do it. (dying laughing)

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  41. fang2415

    Whoops why can’t I see the comment I just posted about reading the post about posting? I guess I should have read the post about posting before posting a post about reading the post about posting before posting. (dying laughing)

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  42. fang2415

    Hmm now I can see MB’s new posts but none of my own comments are showing up? Maybe there’s a faget limit in effect for unregistered rabble?

    I do get the sense that like five comments of mine are going to show up all at once now…

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  43. fang2415

    Hmm, I’m betting I’m only allowed five posts during the bomb-time-limit.

    If so, this is an outrage. I demand the right to spam this forum with impunity.

    [img]http://www.alexanderinteractive.com/blog/typing-robot-thumb.jpg[/img]

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  44. Rodrigo Ramirez

    @ mb21:

    Great thanks!! And I hope you don’t think I’m complaining. I can’t imagine how intensive this switch has been.

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  45. Berselius

    frysredjacket wrote:

    May I be the first to offer no complaints or should I just fuck off?

    Thank you for not complaining. We’re gonna get you so many lizards!

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  46. Berselius

    I didn’t put two and two together and realize that Theriot signing with SF meant the Cajun Connection was reunited. Or I guess technically it would be putting 3/2 and 3/2 together.

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  47. frysredjacket

    Berselius wrote:

    frysredjacket wrote:
    May I be the first to offer no complaints or should I just fuck off?
    Thank you for not complaining. We’re gonna get you so many lizards!

    I personally like the electric snail.

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  48. mb21

    @ Rodrigo Ramirez:
    No, I don’t think anyone is complaining. I think change is difficult and we all get used to what we had. Me too. I think we’d all like this to be as close to the same as we’ve had it, but some things won’t be possible.

    Speaking of change, I remember DJ saying he hated Joomla after ACB switched. Even if we had switched to Expression Engine, which is what ACB was using prior to Bloguin, he’d have preferred what he’d gotten used to. Everyone is like that.

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  49. Rice Cube

    mb21 wrote:

    @ Rodrigo Ramirez:
    No, I don’t think anyone is complaining. I think change is difficult and we all get used to what we had. Me too. I think we’d all like this to be as close to the same as we’ve had it, but some things won’t be possible.

    Speaking of change, I remember DJ saying he hated Joomla after ACB switched. Even if we had switched to Expression Engine, which is what ACB was using prior to Bloguin, he’d have preferred what he’d gotten used to. Everyone is like that.

    I prefer smoke signals myself.

    I actually kind of liked the LiveFyre experiment even though I think SK and MO hated it (dying laughing)

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  50. GW

    Rice Cube wrote:

    mb21 wrote:
    @ Rodrigo Ramirez:
    No, I don’t think anyone is complaining. I think change is difficult and we all get used to what we had. Me too. I think we’d all like this to be as close to the same as we’ve had it, but some things won’t be possible.
    Speaking of change, I remember DJ saying he hated Joomla after ACB switched. Even if we had switched to Expression Engine, which is what ACB was using prior to Bloguin, he’d have preferred what he’d gotten used to. Everyone is like that.

    I prefer smoke signals myself.
    I actually kind of liked the LiveFyre experiment even though I think SK and MO hated it (dying laughing)

    i liked it too, but it was very buggy

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  51. josh

    mb21 wrote:

    @ Rodrigo Ramirez:
    No, I don’t think anyone is complaining. I think change is difficult and we all get used to what we had. Me too. I think we’d all like this to be as close to the same as we’ve had it, but some things won’t be possible.

    Speaking of change, I remember DJ saying he hated Joomla after ACB switched. Even if we had switched to Expression Engine, which is what ACB was using prior to Bloguin, he’d have preferred what he’d gotten used to. Everyone is like that.

    So, what was wrong with Joomla, again? I think WordPress has a lot of flexibility (though I don’t know much about Joomla), but requires a little more finesse. At least, that’s been my experience. For me, getting it set up was the hardest part, but it’s run smoothly once I got the kinks ironed out. I thought about experimenting with Joomla, but once you get one setup down, it’s hard to change, from an administrative standpoint in addition to the user side..

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  52. mb21

    I actually liked Livefyre, but all the complaints weren’t worth it. I disliked all of that a lot more than I liked the system. It’s much improved now too.

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  53. mb21

    @ josh:
    Joomla doesn’t have a native commenting component, which is nice in a way. You end up with components like we had, which was awesome. You’d never end up with something like that on WP because of the native commenting system. Jcomments hadn’t been updated for a long time and we were running Joomla 1.5. Joomla 1.6 came out a year ago, 1.7 last summer and 2.5 just came out. Still no Jcomments. There was also very little support at this point. Jcomments just wasn’t a reliable commenting component anymore. Many of the extensions we used were no longer supported (updated to 1.6, 1.7 and 2.5 of course) so not updating created some of the issues people were having. All of the other comment components for Joomla suck so it made no sense to switch to an inferior component than we could create here.

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  54. Recalcitrant Blogger Nate

    is that timer shit for real, or is that a meme+technology = absurd shit kinda thing?

    Joomla doesn’t have a native commenting component, which is nice in a way. You end up with components like we had, which was awesome. You’d never end up with something like that on WP because of the native commenting system. Jcomments hadn’t been updated for a long time and we were running Joomla 1.5. Joomla 1.6 came out a year ago, 1.7 last summer and 2.5 just came out. Still no Jcomments. There was also very little support at this point. Jcomments just wasn’t a reliable commenting component anymore. Many of the extensions we used were no longer supported (updated to 1.6, 1.7 and 2.5 of course) so not updating created some of the issues people were having. All of the other comment components for Joomla suck so it made no sense to switch to an inferior component than we could create here.

    careful there. i’m really just testing to make sure I can do everything (dying laughing)

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