Daily Facepalm 2.22.12

In Facepalm, News And Rumors by berselius116 Comments

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We just have the point-after-try to kick, or something

Several months ago, we were on the "five yard line" in the Theo compensation situation. Since then we've crossed the blue line, stepped into the paint, crossed the box, and veered right at the fireworks factory exit, and now it's finally been decided that Cubs prospect Chris Carpenter would be the compensation. There are still PBTNLs going each way that will be decided by April 15, since it has to be an officially official player trade. Everyone in the Chicago media is all confused because there wasn't an official trade when the Rays traded Randy Winn to Seattle for Lou, or the Ozzie 'trade'/tampering with the Marlins. Except there was, as MB pointed out:

October 28, 2002: Traded by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to the Seattle Mariners for Antonio Perez.

Florida Marlins traded RHP Jhan Marinez and SS Osvaldo Martinez to Chicago White Sox and Bristol White Sox traded RHP Ricardo Andres to Greensboro Grasshoppers.

Cubs have four of BA's top 100 prospects

Cubs prospects Brett Jackson (32), Anthony Rizzo (47), Javier Baez (61), and Matt Szczur (Szxzxty-Fourth) made BA's annual list. BA loves the vowel challenged multi-sport athlete much more than most prospect listers. Read more about it in MB's post from yesterday.

Rotational news

Bruce Levine thinks that Travis Wood will have a spot in the rotation. I wonder who he thinks will be third though. He says that he thinks Maholm and Wood will be 4th and 5th, with Volstad, Wells, and F7 battling for the spot behind them. So then the rotation would be

1. Garza

2. Dempster

3 ??

4. Maholm

5. Wood

.

.

.

6. World Series Bound!!!!11!

I think the Cubs are better off just stashing Wood in AAA to keep down his service time. He has options left (I think just one), but it's very unlikely that they won't have to burn it at some point this year.

Spring Training positional battles

Not much is generally decided in spring training beyond the 2-3 players fighting for the last spots on the roster. In the same chat, Bruce thinks that the Cubs need another backup middle IF, which doesn't make sense at all. Hendry's fingerprints are still all over the organization, and his fingerprints take the form of middling second basemen, What the Cubs probably need most is a backup right-handed corner infielder so Stewart or LaHair aren't stuck playing against LHP.

(h/t to Bleacher Nation for the Levine chat link)

Why, indeed

MO's worst nightmare

New manager Dale Sveum set up a ~two-week bunting contest among Cubs players. I kind of like this idea. The Cubs suck at fundamentals, maybe this will help. We know nothing about the kinds of drills that go on in the minors, but this seems vastly more motivating than just plowing through the same old drills. 

The Cubs just need to figure out something similar for TOOTBLANs. Free OV subscription goes to whoever thinks of a similar Spring Training contest for the Cubs woeful baserunners.

Community returns on the Ides of March

I know there are a bunch of fans here, and show creator Dan Harmon confirmed that Community will return March 15 at 8pm. Given the show's luck, this could be an elaborate scheme by NBC to assassinate the show on the Greendale Student Senate's steps or something. 

1b price war news from The Shire

The Trib reports that Thoyer told LaHair months ago that they had no intention to sign Fielder or Pujols, and to ignore any rumors to that effect. Of course, they could be lying, but it was pretty nice of them to let LaHair know not to worry, and it's not like the Chicago media were going to interview him while he was playing winter ball when they're too busy chasing down purple-shirted sources down the block.

Cheap laugh of the day

A Cubs fan bought the domain name for the Red Sox spring training park, www.jetbluepark.com

Simpsons quote of the day

Recent song of the day

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Comments

  1. Rice Cube

    Aisle424 wrote:

    I’ll be surprised. He struck me as a terrible bunter last year.

    I want him to win because then he’d actually be useful laying down the bunts in the “40-point zone” and getting to 1B about 70% of the time. I think that’s actually why the 40 point zone is where it is, consistent with what SK suggested in the last thread.

    The Cubs just need to figure out something similar for TOOTBLANs.

    Shock collars.

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  2. ACT

    In 20 bunt attempts, Campana had 7 hits and 3 sacrifices. No idea how good that is, independent of running skill and infield positioning (also, of course, it’s a small sample).

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  3. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    “(Szxzxty-Fourth)” (dying laughing)

    How about Strip TOOTBLAN? Every time you get TOOTBLAN’d, remove an article of clothing. If your testicles are ever visible, you get DFA’d.

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  4. Aisle424

    ACT wrote:

    In 20 bunt attempts, Campana had 7 hits and 3 sacrifices. No idea how good that is, independent of running skill and infield positioning (also, of course, it’s a small sample).

    Are those bunts that actually landed in play or total bunt attempts? It seemed like he attempted at least one bunt in every plate appearance.

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  5. ACT

    I assume it means in play (the number comes from FG’s batted ball data). I doubt he tried to bunt all that often, though he did show bunt a lot, which isn’t the same thing.

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  6. Aisle424

    ACT wrote:

    I assume it means in play (the number comes from FG’s batted ball data). I doubt he tried to bunt all that often, though he did show bunt a lot, which isn’t the same thing.

    My memory has him bunting and missing or bunting crappily foul an awful lot. I was never confident he couldget a bunt down, but all I have is my memory to go by.

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  7. Mish

    So is standard OV convention for our new shit DFP:

    Palm ——-> Face
    or
    Face ——-> Palm

    I think both are defensible, and there are merits and demerits to both. So it could go either way.

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  8. Rice Cube

    From the earlier conversation re: drafting in the new CBA…the Cubs can spend about $7.9MM in the first ten rounds, or around $8.5MM if they go less than 5% over slot for each and incur the tax without forfeiting future picks. Is that total allotment usable however they want, like if they wanted to give their #6 pick $7MM for whatever reason, the overage tax doesn’t kick in there as long as they didn’t overspend later on? Or does the overage kick in for every pick in every round? That was the part I didn’t quite understand.

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  9. AndCounting

    Mish wrote:

    So is standard OV convention for our new shit DFP:

    Palm ——-> Face
    or
    Face ——-> Palm

    I think both are defensible, and there are merits and demerits to both. So it could go either

    Once we start setting and meeting standards, we’ll risk getting reundiscredited, and I don’t think anybody wants that.

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  10. Mercurial Outfielder

    After the bunt drill comes getting hit in the head lessons, followed by the upper class twit of the year competition.

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  11. Mish

    Terrell Suggs on Tebow:

    “They say we were giving him a hard time because he’s a Christian. No, that’s not it! We were giving him a hard time because he was terrible.”

    Suggs, who was named the NFL’s Defensive Player of the Year earlier this month after leading the Ravens with 14 sacks in 2011, made frequent references to Tebow during the season, usually mocking the Broncos’ quarterback, who dominated media coverage of the NFL during the season.

    “I mean, it’s an insult to us players,” Suggs told GQ. “You know, wins are hard to come by in this league, and if I was Denver’s defense, I would feel a certain way – they’re not allowed to, because they’re all on one team, but people are making it look like Tim Tebow is the kid from Foxborough (Tom Brady), which that couldn’t be more opposite. It’s just crazy that we’re calling him a phenomenon when basically he’s mediocre. (Carolina rookie) Cam Newton is a way better quarterback than Tim Tebow, and we don’t have a Cam Newton phenomenon.”

    http://www.csnbaltimore.com/02/22/12/Suggs-rips-Tebow-as-terrible/landing.html

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  12. Mish

    Mercurial Outfielder wrote:

    After the bunt drill comes getting hit in the head lessons, followed by the upper class twit of the year competition.

    Hey now…if we can teach our players how to get hit by pitches, we can greatly increase team OBP! #CubsWay

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  13. Mish

    There are probably more Don-Zimmer-in-a-bear-suit fetishists than Rays fans in Tampa Bay, so I assume they are just trying to raise attendance down in St. Petersburg.

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  14. fang2415

    I recently enjoyed that Under Pressure video for the first time a little while ago. That song, and that video, are fucking unbelievable.

    I have a lazy, half-researched, unfalsifiable theory about that song, the weaker version being that it was both the best and the last really great thing that either Queen or David Bowie ever did, the stronger version being that it was the last great product of the mid-late 20th century countercultural revolution in the West. When David Bowie ended the song by singing that this was their last dance, he probably didn’t know how right he was.

    /sweeping claim’d

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  15. Mish

    @ fang2415:
    (dying laughing) Well said. I love the song and consider it a personal favorite. The end gets me. Unfortunately I came to know of the song’s existence through the trailer for “American Wedding”. By whatever means, I guess.

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  16. fang2415

    @ Suburban kid:
    Well, I’m more confident about the weaker claim. Under Pressure was release between Scary Monsters (which ruled) and Let’s Dance (the beginning of the end) for Bowie, and after Flash Gordon (silly but still good) and before Hot Space (dull aside from UP, and followed by ever cheesier 80s pap) for Queen.

    Of course the video is awesome even though it had almost nothing to do with either band. Apparently they were both out of town so the director just cut it together from a bunch of stock footage.

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  17. fang2415

    Mish wrote:

    Unfortunately I came to know of the song’s existence through the trailer for “American Wedding”. By whatever means, I guess.

    This is actually pretty respectable when you consider that most people know it because of Vanilla Ice. (dying laughing)

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  18. Suburban kid

    @ fang2415:
    Not a fan of Queen. I mean, their pop sensibility is hard to deny so I can appreciate a few of their melodies, but to be honest I prefer Abba.

    I agree with your points about Bowie, except for the part where it might be the best thing he ever did.

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  19. Mish

    fang2415 wrote:

    This is actually pretty respectable when you consider that most people know it because of Vanilla Ice. (dying laughing)

    (dying laughing) I forgot about this.

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  20. fang2415

    Suburban kid wrote:

    I agree with your points about Bowie, except for the part where it might be the best thing he ever did.

    Yeah, that may be a legitimate critique. Bowie was awfully good at creating music for about eleven years there. (dying laughing)

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  21. Author
    Berselius

    @ Suburban kid:

    I like Queen just fine, my main issue with them is the two songs that have been played to death and then some at every single sporting event. That’s not really their fault though.

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  22. fang2415

    @ Aisle424:
    Are they actually allowed to release 911 tapes? Or are they just getting hacked or something? That seems like the kind of thing that it might make just a smidgen more sense to keep private.

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  23. josh

    @ Mish:
    I forgot about “Given the chance this cow would kill you and everyone you love.” Awesome.

    Also, “Just ask this scientician” works for almost every situation on the news when the “experts” are consulted.

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  24. Mish

    @ mb21:
    Love the opening paragraph:

    Last week I ate at a restaurant that had two TVs playing, side-by-side: one showing ESPN, the other showing ESPN2. Both were running features on New York Knicks sensation Jeremy Lin. Neither, in the 20 combined minutes they spent on Lin, offered anything of real use or insight; instead they largely focused on Lin as a human-interest story, not as an athlete. By contrast, last week the MLB Network series Clubhouse Confidential spent about 10 minutes of one episode discussing Washington Nationals up-and-comer Bryce Harper: crunching his minor-league numbers; analyzing the historical data on teenage baseball players; and considering both the Nationals’ playoff chances and potential revenue if the franchise were to choose to bring up Harper this season, weighed against how much sooner they’ll have to lay out big money to hold onto Harper in future years. Clubhouse Confidential took into account the business of baseball, the history of past big moves, and the outlook for this one player, all in ways that were genuinely illuminating. And without ever once using the words “I feel,” or “team chemistry,” or “Tebow.”

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  25. josh

    @ mb21:
    I was surprised they kept him in the bullpen last year. I was under the impression that they did that at the end of 2010 out of necessity and that the plan was for him to start.

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  26. GBTS

    Mish wrote:

    I thought they announced he was going to be a starter earlier, but I might be thinking of Neftali Feliz.

    All look the same to you, eh Mish?

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  27. Pezcore

    mb21 wrote:

    t

    I was ape over Gibbons in 2000.

    He was awesome that one season at Tennessee in 2000 (this is when they were TOR affiliates)– got to see him play live several times. Had a sky-high batting average that year. One of my friends still has his signed ball. Went on to be a rule 5 pick, spent a season his rookie season hitting home runs and ending up on Sportcenters top ten plays almost every week with Willie Mays-style catches. Man, those first few seasons with the O’s he was really awesome. And then, reality hit.

    He was good last year in LA — if only the Cubs would trade Marlon Byrd. It’ll be fun watching him on a contending Brew Crew team come September.

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  28. Aisle424

    Homers’ ambulance hitting the tree after driving about a foot is the exact moment when The Simpsons went from a funny TV show to absolute Must See TV fo rme. I had a VCR in college, but our reception was terrible and it didn’t tape well, so I would plan social engagements around the Simpsons so I could watch it live every week in the Campus Center.

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  29. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    mb21 wrote:

    no way they win 110 games. After all, the Red Sox didn’t have to do all this:

    Umpire: Okay, let’s go over the ground rules.
    You can’t leave first until you chug a beer.
    Any man scoring has to chug a beer.
    You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings.
    Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
    Chief Wiggum: [in baseball uniform] Hey, we know how to play softball.

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  30. Pezcore

    Aisle424 wrote:

    I hope somebody records the 2/15 matchup between Dale Sveum and Kerry Wood. Also, does Sveum get the prize if he wins the tournament? I’d be quite frustrated if I were playing for the Cubs and my incentives were stolen by a 40-year old, middle aging, balding guy.

    Sveum has the same seeding as Soriano. Campana is a #10 seed.

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  31. mb21

    @ Aisle424:
    I was thinking about that last night. I had no idea (still don’t) what the hell is going on here. Despite that, it’s one of the reasons why I love this place. (dying laughing)

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  32. Rice Cube

    @ mb21:
    The preceding posts were examples of different forms of “bunting” or folks who had the surname of “Bunting” (dying laughing)

    I think a bunting is a form of bird or a textile depending on context. It can also be something you use to swaddle a baby in. I only knew of the textile and the bird and had to look up the third one.

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  33. WaLi

    mb21 wrote:

    Despite that, it’s one of the reasons why I love this place. (dying laughing)

    I disagree, soley because I am not one of your minions.

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  34. josh

    I assumed everyone else was google-imaging “bunting,” except Mish who misunderstood. Bunting can be a hanging paper decoration, as demonstrated in necklace form in my picture.

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