Daily Facepalm 2.20.2012 – They’re back.

In Facepalm by andcounting143 Comments

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Player Recently in the Best Shape of His Life: Carlos Marmol

Carlos Marmol dropped 515 pounds in the offseason. He dropped 15 of his own pounds and he dropped the 500-lb gorilla in his pitching arsenal: his mystifying cutter – not mystifying the way his slider can be (Where did that thing go?), but mystifying like the remake of Footloose (. . . Why?). Dale Sveum and pitching coach Chris Bosio claim to have already worked with him on ways to keep his pitching motion (and hopefully his attempts to frequent the strike zone) under control, and he alluded to the possibility that the cutter could be gone for good. Just the Superfriends being the Superfriends.

Cubs Photo I Recently Enjoyed

Wells and Beef Castle beg for your captions.

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Scott Strazzante, Chicago Tribune / February 19, 2012

Hope Tweets Eternal

I was told this would never happen again!

The Cubs are introducing dynamic ticket pricing for bleacher tickets this season, which means someone who paid close to $100 for a premier ticket could be sitting right next to someone who paid only $10. This has to hurt bleacher elitists who have been enjoying the country club that is premium bench seating without invasion from the groundlings. Oh, but it should help the Cubs make as much money as possible. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about the merits of a business making money.

CPR Tutorial I Recently Enjoyed

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  1. bubblesdachimp

    One of the Cubs who got away

    One bright spot for Texas: Fr. RHP Ricky Jacquez (5 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 4 K) delivered strong relief.

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  2. GBTS

    bubblesdachimp wrote:

    You know what would be awesome?

    If the Cubs were sneaky good this year. And if I got a blowjob every hour, on the hour, from Opening Day through the World Series.

    That’d sure be swell.

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  3. Aisle424

    which means someone who paid close to $100 for a premier ticket could be sitting right next to someone who paid only $10.

    The Chicago Business website seems to be down at the moment, so I couldn’t read the story, but I seem to remember the Cubs announcing dynamic pricing and mentioning specifically that prices would never go below what the Season Ticket holders paid. They might as well have dubbed it the Alvin Principle.

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  4. mb21

    @ bubblesdachimp:
    They weren’t sneaky good. They were Sosa good. His rWAR was 9.2 higher than the next highest batter on the team. I’m not joking. He was 7.9 rWAR better than Lieber, 8 better than Wood and 9.4 better than Farnsworth (the 3 best pitchers on that team). They were a mediocre team with one ridiculously awesome season mixed in. This is a bad team and they don’t have anyone that could even be half as good as Sosa was in 2001.

    Sosa: 11.4 rWAR
    Gutierrez, Mueller, White, Stairs, Tucker, McGriff: 11 rWAR
    Pitchers: 12.8 rWAR

    I have fond memories of 2001 for a few reasons. First, they got off to a good start, which is rare for the Cubs. They were 21-12 and in 1st place. Then they pulled a Cubs and lost 8 in a row. Immediately following that they won 12 in a row. Best stretch of baseball I’ve ever seen the Cubs play. They came so close to winning the 13th on a Sosa flyout to deep RF. Sammy Sosa was so good you could almost combine the rest of the team and they weren’t as good (not really, but you know what I mean). Sosa had 160 RBI. Gutierrez was 2nd with 66. He had 94 fewer. Stairs had 61. Those were the only 2 players within 105 RBI of the team leader. Insane. The Cubs bullpen was fun to watch. They had an outstanding year. I remember an announcer talking about that bullpen and basically saying that teams don’t mind a reliever who can throw in the high 90s. They’re usually not around for more than an inning so it doesn’t bother them. They hated facing the Cubs bullpen because they had pitcher after pitcher who was going to come in and throw in the upper 90s.

    2001 was the Sammy Sosa show. He took a mediocre team and made them contend. Along the way they provided plenty of memories for me.

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  5. bubblesdachimp

    @ mb21:

    2001 Cubs were such a weird team. Remember when I want to say Lieber and Wood pitched back to back 1 hitters. I swear Liebers game lasted only 1:35 or something.

    I also have fond patriotic memories of when Sosa hit the home run after 9/11 and ran around the bases with that flag. Bubbles cried.

    Was that the bullpen with Flash?

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  6. mb21

    @ bubblesdachimp:
    Yeah, Flash had a good year that season, but we expected that. He did miss some time. The impressive part of the bullpen was the very strong year from Van Poppell. Wood and Lieber did pitch back to back 1 hitters that year.

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  7. Author
    AndCounting

    @ WaLi:
    The article implies that they can go either way, but that could be the author’s mistake. Well, actually the implications are in the photos more than anything. One of the photo captions says that dynamic pricing would lead to lower prices for less popular games, but that could be an error.

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  8. Berselius

    mb21 wrote:

    2001 was the Sammy Sosa show. He took a mediocre team and made them contend. Along the way they provided plenty of memories for me.

    MB, you’re forgetting the -6.2 sWAR, caused by playing Salsa music in the clubhouse. Why do you think the rest of the team was so bad?

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  9. Berselius

    AndCounting wrote:

    One of the photo captions says that dynamic pricing would lead to lower prices for less popular games, but that could be an error.

    Well, it could. I could also find a million dollars in my desk.

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  10. Kevin

    If i recall correctly from their initial release of dynamic ticket pricing, the Cubs won’t ever lower prices below the initial pricing structure. So say you buy a ticket on the day tickets are released, you are guaranteed to have bought that ticket at the lowest price possible (when buying directly from the Cubs). I could be wrong, but I’m fairly certain that this is the case.

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  11. Berselius

    mb21 wrote:

    That could be the intention, but what happens if tickets aren’t selling? They’ll have to lower the price.

    Exactly. Any ticket left unsold for so much as a dollar is a dollar that’s not going to the Cubs.

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  12. Berselius

    Mish wrote:

    I’m an equal opportunity loser. Batman, Star Wars…six of one, half dozen of another. (dying laughing)

    False. There are only three Star Wars movies.

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  13. Aisle424

    mb21 wrote:

    That could be the intention, but what happens if tickets aren’t selling? They’ll have to lower the price.

    That would insult their best customers, MB.

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  14. GBTS

    Berselius wrote:

    Exactly. Any ticket left unsold for so much as a dollar is a dollar that’s not going to the Cubs.

    But at least they’re keeping their best customers happy. You know, the ones who sneak in their own sandwiches instead of buying concessions.

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  15. mb21

    @ Aisle424:
    I still don’t understand that whole thing with Al and $10 bleacher tickets. If I’m the Cubs I’m charging a higher price for those who feel they have to get tickets. They’re going to pay almost anything so I’m definitely charging them more. It’s like when a new video game system comes out. You can buy it then and pay more or wait awhile. I think the PS3 was $299 when it came out. I bought it a couple years later for $199. To my knowledge those who went out and bought one immediately haven’t been complaining that the price was lowered. If I owned the Cubs, the highest priced tickets would be the day they go on sale. I might even consider selling seats to some games for $1000. I can lower the price a few days later and those people who can’t afford $1000 are going to buy it then.

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  16. Author
    AndCounting

    @ mb21:
    It’s also completely hypocritical for a STH to ever complain about ticket prices being lowered when right now they’re selling them on StubHub at a markup. They all know that some of their tickets are worth more than what they’re paying and some are worth less. This is not a difficult concept to understand.

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  17. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    mb21 wrote:

    Wood and Lieber did pitch back to back 1 hitters that year.

    The thing I remember most from that season was the sign I made and brought to a Lieber game that said “I’m a beLieber!” and people booed me.

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  18. Aisle424

    I just e-mailed a couple folks I know at the Cubs for clarification on the dynamic pricing.

    After the Cubs convention, Jon Greenberg wrote this:

    The difference with the Cubs’ usage of dynamic pricing is that there won’t be fluctuations. The Cubs are pricing single-game tickets cheaper when they go on sale, starting with the season-ticket price ($85.12), and then prices will go only one way, up.

    So there is either a change in policy, with regards to the dynamic pricing, or one of these stories is misleading, if not completely wrong.

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  19. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    I also once made and brought a sign to a Cubs-Expos game in Montreal that said “HalleALOUja!” which people also booed.

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  20. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    Suburban kid wrote:

    Are you the Fukudometer guy too?

    No. A friend of mine once brought a “J.T.Snow-O-Meter” sign to a Giants game when Snow was batting something like .087 and the security guards threw him out of the game.

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  21. Author
    AndCounting

    @ Aisle424:
    Honestly, I’m not even sure why this was published now. The only reason I put it in the facepalm was to replace the “Cubs are getting 6-to-1 odds to win the World Series” story that popped up on ESPN last night, but I couldn’t find any screenshots or corroboration so I dropped it. Then Crain’s tweeted this story so I went with it instead. Waste of space, really, as it’s just sort of restating old shit. That’s our job, dammit.

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  22. bubblesdachimp

    @ mb21:

    No just reading our fucking draft cap it makes bubbles really mad. Nothing like hiring guys who know how to exploit the system only to find out that Jerry Reinsdorf is a piece of shit

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  23. Berselius

    bubblesdachimp wrote:

    No just reading our fucking draft cap it makes bubbles really mad. Nothing like hiring guys who know how to exploit the system only to find out that Jerry Reinsdorf is a piece of shit

    To be fair, just about everyone already knew Jerry Reinsdorf was a piece of shit.

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  24. Rice Cube

    @ Berselius:
    Not sure…Brett’s article suggests that the draft allotment is because of extra draft picks in the first 10 rounds. I think the Angels did have to cough up two picks for signing Pujols as well, but that doesn’t really account for all the difference. Who else did the Cards lose that would have brought back extra picks?

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  25. bubblesdachimp

    @ Berselius:

    Yea for sure. I really think if he wasnt a dickbag, and Jordan didnt have a severe gambling problem we could have swept the 90’s… I feel cheated

    Rice Cube wrote:

    This is true. I really like Mcleod. I feel like he is key

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  26. mb21

    bubblesdachimp wrote:

    No just reading our fucking draft cap it makes bubbles really mad. Nothing like hiring guys who know how to exploit the system only to find out that Jerry Reinsdorf is a piece of shit

    I don’t think the reason you hired these guys is because of the draft. They have a good record, but that can be explained in two words. Draft picks. He’s given himself more chances. For example, since 2003 the Cubs have had 10 1st round picks and they selected 42 guys in rounds 1 through 5. Theo’s Red Sox have selected 23 1st round picks and 63 guys in the first 5 rounds. The Sox have had more than double the number of 1st round picks the Cubs have had. As a result they’ve spent considerably more than the Cubs have over that time frame. The Sox have selected nearly 1.5 players more per year in the 1st round.

    That’s the difference and that’s why the Cubs farm system will improve through the draft, though not as easily as was done in Boston. The Cubs re-signed their own players while the Red Sox let them walk. There are fewer chances to add draft picks now, but the Cubs will do just that. They’re not going to excel in the draft because they have far superior people running the draft. They’ll excel because they’ll find ways to have more picks than other teams. How they do that is going to be difficult since they don’t already have the talent the Red Sox had when Theo took over. He could let their free agents walk because they had a ton of talent. If Theo is around past 5 years I expect we’ll start to see them with more draft picks than other teams, but it probably won’t be for awhile. What player eligible for free agency within a couple years would the Cubs offer arbitration to? Garza. What about Marmol? Certainly not right now. Probably not then. Soto? Probably not. Dempster? No. Byrd or DeJesus? No.

    That’s the part of the draft rules that suck. The Cubs simply don’t have the options of increasing their early round picks like they would have had before. Considering that, I suspect that’s why they’re interested in those two Cubans.

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  27. mb21

    jtsunami wrote:

    I’m so glad I know what Kevin looks like. Sucks that I can only picture mb as a dirty stuffed animal floating in a pool.

    You’re looking at my good side. My other side is eye-less. (dying laughing)

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  28. Author
    AndCounting

    mb21 wrote:

    I don’t think the reason you hired these guys is because of the draft. They have a good record, but that can be explained in two words. Draft picks. He’s given himself more chances. For example, since 2003 the Cubs have had 10 1st round picks and they selected 42 guys in rounds 1 through 5. Theo’s Red Sox have selected 23 1st round picks and 63 guys in the first 5 rounds. The Sox have had more than double the number of 1st round picks the Cubs have had. As a result they’ve spent considerably more than the Cubs have over that time frame. The Sox have selected nearly 1.5 players more per year in the 1st round. That’s the difference and that’s why the Cubs farm system will improve through the draft, though not as easily as was done in Boston. The Cubs re-signed their own players while the Red Sox let them walk. There are fewer chances to add draft picks now, but the Cubs will do just that. They’re not going to excel in the draft because they have far superior people running the draft. They’ll excel because they’ll find ways to have more picks than other teams. How they do that is going to be difficult since they don’t already have the talent the Red Sox had when Theo took over. He could let their free agents walk because they had a ton of talent. If Theo is around past 5 years I expect we’ll start to see them with more draft picks than other teams, but it probably won’t be for awhile. What player eligible for free agency within a couple years would the Cubs offer arbitration to? Garza. What about Marmol? Certainly not right now. Probably not then. Soto? Probably not. Dempster? No. Byrd or DeJesus? No. That’s the part of the draft rules that suck. The Cubs simply don’t have the options of increasing their early round picks like they would have had before. Considering that, I suspect that’s why they’re interested in those two Cubans.

    This should have been a new post.

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  29. Rice Cube

    Manny Ramirez —> Oakland

    RC —-> confused

    It’s a minor league deal and worth only about $500K if he makes the team (probably prorated due to impending PED suspension) but still a bit puzzling. Not quite as puzzling as having Chone Figgins lead off in place of Ichiro, though.

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  30. Rice Cube

    Per HBT, Carl Crawford wasn’t happy to learn that the Red Sox owner didn’t want to sign him.

    His proper response should have been to appreciate John Henry’s brutal honesty?

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  31. Aisle424

    @ jtsunami:

    Yeah, getting old blows. Last year there were 20. 5 have officially retired and I got Jamie Moyer back this year. There are still 4 guys who don’t have actual teams yet, so they could be forced into retirement. Plus the guys that have teams could get cut. I expect I’ll be down to about 10 active players when teams break camp.

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  32. GBTS

    So I was met with snark when I posed the question over the weekend so I’ll ask again: are we expecting to see Strasburg on opening day? He’s got to pitch game one or two, I would imagine.

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  33. mb21

    @ bubblesdachimp:
    Yeah, that’s what I was pointing out. Without signing some decent free agents in the very near future the Cubs are going to be unable to build their farm system through the draft. They can’t build it through international free agents either.

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  34. Pezcore

    @ Suburban kid:

    It can be used interchangeably. I guess I should give the South Siders a new name. How about ‘Only Relevant In Relation To Ozzie Guillen’ or ORTOG for short. That sums them up well.

    Now that Reddick is gone, Boston could use another outfielder. I think It’ll be hillariously if some team starts Soler on Opening Day.

    FIXED FOR ACCURACY

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  35. Pezcore

    I’m directional-ly challenged

    Boston Red Sox —> “Sawx”
    Chicago Cubs –> Cubbies
    Chicago White Sox –> “The White Trash”

    There, fixed.

    Example: “The White Trash” are only interesting when Ozzie Guillen is involved, and they will go down in history as ‘The Team That Signed Adam Dunn”.

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  36. WenningtonsGorillaCock

    jtsunami wrote:

    Fuck, how do we post pictures again?

    I can’t ever remember either, but I think you have to type “image source”, except cut out all the vowels, unless the vowel is i, in which case keep it. Then you type an equal sign, but don’t add an extra space! Then you have to put your link in quotes. You also have to eat 2 carrots. One before you start typing and one after. The computer doesn’t know if you really ate the carrots, so you have to tell it by posing 2 pictures of carrots. Which is hard, since you can’t post a picture of the carrots unless you’ve already eaten other carrots.

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  37. Berselius

    fang2415 wrote:

    Does anybody here know how to watch college baseball on a computer? I would ask if you need special press access or anything, but I kinda doubt Cistulli has any of that. (dying laughing)

    He’s watching the game using some obscure program, you’ve never heard of it.

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  38. jtsunami

    WenningtonsGorillaCock wrote:

    jtsunami wrote:
    Fuck, how do we post pictures again?
    I can’t ever remember either, but I think you have to type “image source”, except cut out all the vowels, unless the vowel is i, in which case keep it. Then you type an equal sign, but don’t add an extra space! Then you have to put your link in quotes. You also have to eat 2 carrots. One before you start typing and one after. The computer doesn’t know if you really ate the carrots, so you have to tell it by posing 2 pictures of carrots. Which is hard, since you can’t post a picture of the carrots unless you’ve already eaten other carrots.

    (dying laughing)
    If only it were that easy…

    Took me awhile to get the carrot/caret reference.

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  39. fang2415

    @ Rice Cube:
    (dying laughing), I only just noticed that someone did post a real answer. Thanks, I’ll check it out.

    Blackouts can be so dumb. They should decouple IP addresses from geography completely so that people can’t get away with that shit.

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  40. fang2415

    @ Aisle424:
    I read some of his stuff in AP Spanish, but it wasn’t until later that I realized that it’s just as much of a headfuck in English (dying laughing)

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  41. mb21

    regarding images, here’s all you need to remember:

    img src=””

    It’s 9 characters. If you can remember you social security number you can remember this.

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  42. fang2415

    BTW, it’s still taking me to a new error page and clearing my comment when I enter the wrong captcha. But I assume you guys figured that out and moved on to not giving a shit about it a long time ago. (dying laughing)

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  43. bubblesdachimp

    “@TheCCO: (@CarrieMuskat) McNutt knows he’ll pitch this yr,but not sure if he’ll have a “C” for #Cubs or”B” for Boston on his cap http://t.co/lbkmQhtH”

    This article makes it seem like Epstein thinks he is gone. That would suck if they poached our #1 pitching prospect

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