Sammy Sosa Would Like You to Remember He Once Hit a Lot of Homeruns and You Loved Him

As a Cubs blogger, I think I'm going to have to get down on my knees and thank the good Lord that Sammy Sosa has joined us in the social media world. We've seen his Pinterest page and his Twitter account. He also has a Facebook page littered with the same awesome yellow-sweatered photos as his Pinterest (which @harrypav pointed out were directly pinned from his Flickr account). Sammy knows social media, apparently.

Today, Sammy tweeted out a "special video," claiming he had been promising it. I didn't see the promise, but I may have missed it in between all of the "Sammy Sosa. Yes, I’m the real Sammy Sosa, and this is my Pinterest" declarations.

Sammy has been setting the bar quite high in the Sammy Sosa being Sammy Sosa contest lately, but this video does not miss in its effort to remind us all that Sammy Sosa once hit a shit-ton of homeruns and millions of people fucking LOVED him.  It isn't the best produced video ever, but it is definitely the Sammy Sosa-est. Here are some of the highlights:

• 0:00 - Eight seconds of the WGN multi-color bars and off-the-air, high pitched tone.
• 0:08 – A silent black screen for another ten seconds. Seriously. At first I thought it was a tribute to Hawk Harrelson, but then Sammy's big face comes on screen and we're off.
• 0:18 - No introduction. It's just Sammy swinging and hitting homeruns. I assume he's hitting homeruns because the name of the video is "Sammy Sosa Homerun Highlights," but we really only get to see the swing in most cases. Usually not even the hop. In the background, you get a catchy drum beat that might be something from the Dominican? I don't know. But through the first 30 seconds of the video, the only audio is of Sammy's bat crack, a brief crowd reaction, and the drum beat in the background.
• 0:29 – Henry Rodriguez sighting! Remember when fans used to throw O Henry bars on the field (and when they didn't have a candy bar, they threw garbage)? That was stupid.
• 0:31 - Chip Caray's voice reminds us that Chip Caray was once a thing. I'm really trying to like you, Sammy, but you keep making it difficult.
• 0:34 – Alex Gonzalez sighting! He looks like a guy who's going to fuck up a perfectly fieldable ball in a few months.
• 0:38 – Ryan Dempster sighting! He's in a Marlins uniform and he's giving up a homerun.
• 0:54 - We get the first extended shot of a homerun where Sammy hits the pink house across Waveland that doesn't exist anymore and I get the first real idea that these homeruns are all happening in 1998 because I vividly remember seeing that one.
• 1:02 - Chip yells, "Swung on and belted! he's got 20 this month!" so we're definitely in 1998. We're also getting a few more shots of fans holding up pro-Sammy signs interspersed in the montage now.
• 1:13 – We get the first dose of Steve Stone coupled with Chip's second "Swung on and belted!" of the video after Sammy's first career grandslam.
• 1:26 – Chip announces that Sammy has 50 and I went back to count the homeruns, and it was the 50th homerun of the video, so we are definitely going chronologically in 1998.
• 1:48 – We get the Spanish announcers yelling about #59 and shot of them in the press box.
• 1:52 – Lance Johnson sighting! God, do the Cubs suck at centerfielders.
• 1:54 – Sammy gets his 61st and we get shots of fans in the stands and on Waveland going apeshit. Chip's catch phrase also makes an appearance. I suggest you not make that a trigger to drink if you watch this video as part of a drinking game.
• 1:59 – Mark Grace sighting! Drink! (Not you, Mark.)
• 2:01 – The montage slows down to give us more detail on the last historic shots of 1998. More Chip screaming and more fans (home and away) going crazy in the stands.
• 2:16 – Jose Nieves is not impressed.
• 2:26 – We get the sound of him connecting with #66 three separate times and then Sammy blowing kisses to the fans.
• 2:32 – We get a shot of Sammy jumping up on the dugout after the Wildcard Tie-break game in his Wildcard shirt and allowing himself to get molested by the fans. One of them REALLY gets into rubbing Sammy's chest and embracing him. It's kind of disturbing. There is also audio of Sammy telling Chicago what an unbelievable year 1998 was and how much he loves Chicago.
• 2:46 – A still shot of the Chicago Tribune announcing Sammy hit 63 in his encore to 1998 (1999). I'm not sure if they want us to read the whole article or if they think it takes us a REALLY long time to read the headlines, but it stays on that static shot (with no audio) for 18 seconds.
• 3:04 – Fatboy Slim's "Funk Soul Brother" kicks in as the video alternates between a slow pan up Sammy's body starting from his shoes and shots of Cubs fans declaring their love for Sosa via sign and Dominican Republic flag-waving.
• 3:18 – More homeruns! The nice part is that "Funk Soul Brother" is now partially drowning out Chip.
• 3:54 – Greg Maddux sighting! He's on the Braves and he looks pissed he gave up a homerun.
• 4:03 – Grace sighting! Drink! This time with Mickey Morandini giving Sammy a hug.
• 4:16 – Grace sighting! Drink! He's giving Sammy another hug. I just hope Sammy takes his car keys.
• 4:32 – Sammy eats Slammin' Sammy's cereal.
• 4:53 – Bill Clinton loves Sammy!
• 5:05 – A little kid sprints towards Sammy while he's standing in the outfield, but we don't get to see what happened when he gets there.
• 5:30 – Jim Riggleman sighting! He must have thought Sammy was a Wrigleyville trixie because he slapped his ass.
• 5:40 – Pedro Astacio throws the hangingest curveball you've ever seen. I mean, there are pitchers mistakes all throughout the video, but watch how Astacio puts that one on a tee for Sammy.
• 6:30 – Glenallen Hill sighting! I don't have a joke about Glenallen Hill because I'm afraid he'd find me and kill me. It seems like he probably has the time to do that now.
• 6:54 – Sammy walks out to right field tipping his cap to the fans… fade to black. Then another few awkward silent seconds.
• 7:03 – Fin.