The Cubs can’t lose today.
Nary a single Cubbie appendix has ruptured.
Starlin Castro hasn’t been put in timeout yet.
Alfonso Soriano leads the league in homers.
Wrigley Field hasn’t had chunks of itself fly off in several months.
Albert Pujols‘ free agent value has tumbled to $299 million.
No new Nicolas Cage movies are being released this weekend.
It’s been over 24 hours since a Cub got put on the DL.
Derrek Lee is playing for a winning team comprised almost exclusively of ex-Cubs.
Chris Archer’s career with the Rays is entirely unimpressive thus far.
No reports of any Cubs having dinner.
I haven’t heard a word uttered from the Ricketts family since the season started.
The plan to have 163 starting pitchers vie for the fifth starter position is finally paying off.
I’m pretty sure the Reds will lose eventually.
I’m not so sure the Astros will ever win.
It’s only April.
That last point hasn’t been lost on Kosuke Fukudome.
Carlos Pena being out of the lineup means not having to hear Keith Moreland pronouncing his name like it rhymes with La Niña.
Obstructed View merchandise has yet to sell out (even if we have).
The bullpen test has been scrapped in favor of the starting rotation test.
Jim Belushi is nowhere to be seen.
If you buy tickets for the cheapest seat in Wrigley, there’s a good chance a Wrigley Field Ambassador will offer you better ones for free.
A new episode of Parks & Recreation is only a week away.
Derrick Rose. He’s not a Cub, but he’s good for everyone.
The Cubs beat writers have apparently run out of ideas for running players out of town.
It’s baseball . . let’s see what happens!
Comments
(dying laughing) well done
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Dude, I’m all out of bombs. The 2nd Amendment does guarantee my right to own them, right? I hope so because I still have several tanks in the back yard just in case the government tries something screwy with my land.[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
This.
Also, this.
BerseliusQuote Reply
http://www.viceland.com/int/v14n10/htdocs/yo1.php?country=us&bettertitle
Joke about mb21’s involvement.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
You’re right, things could be worse. I could be dead, after all.
Though, things could be better. YOU could be dead.
MishQuote Reply
[quote name=Mish]You’re right, things could be worse. I could be dead, after all.
Though, things could be better. YOU could be dead.[/quote]Weird. You’re the 7th person to tell me that today. It’s as if everybody hates me.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Dude, I’m all out of bombs. The 2nd Amendment does guarantee my right to own them, right? I hope so because I still have several tanks in the back yard just in case the government tries something screwy with my land.[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Dude, I’m all out of bombs. The 2nd Amendment does guarantee my right to own them, right? I hope so because I still have several tanks in the back yard just in case the government tries something screwy with my land.[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
I’m confused. What was the /mb21 for?
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]I’m confused. What was the /mb21 for?[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Weird. You’re the 7th person to tell me that today. It’s as if everybody hates me.[/quote]
I hate, you feel.
MishQuote Reply
[quote name=Mish]I hate, you feel.[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
I still don’t even know what the /mb21 was for. It would be nice if Ryno told us.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I still don’t even know what the /mb21 was for. It would be nice if Ryno told us.[/quote]
Something must have happened recently.
MishQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I still don’t even know what the /mb21 was for. It would be nice if Ryno told us.[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Mish]Something must have happened recently.[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
Jeff Motuzas ——–> Legend
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704604704576220833352472802.html
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]Jeff Motuzas ——–> Legend
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704604704576220833352472802.html%5B/quote%5D
The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch ——–> Legend
http://www.obstructedview.net
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]I wonder if it’s from all those bombs SOMEBODY dropped on Japan recently.
/liberal
/mb21[/quote]I hadn’t read this comment. Maybe if it had been more recent I would have seen it.
AndCountingQuote Reply
So, 6ht round instead of 3rd?
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]So, 6ht round instead of 3rd?
I mean…The /mb21 was for the “recently” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
Stanzi is a true American so he’ll go earlier than Brady. His Americanism is worth at least 3 rounds.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Stanzi is a true American so he’ll go earlier than Brady. His Americanism is worth at least 3 rounds.[/quote]
The /mb21 was for the “Stanzi is a fourth in value, but could easily go in the high third because he’s about as pro-ready as it gets. It’s just funny because what was meant to be a compliment should be taken as an insult” portion of the comment, bitch.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]
[/quote]C:>Users>Jame_Gumb>Desktop>Shirtless_College_Hunks>Michigan>076.jpg
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]C:>Users>Jame_Gumb>Desktop>Shirtless_College_Hunks>Michigan>076.jpg[/quote]He’s going to be pissed that you hacked his computer.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]C:>Users>GBTS>Desktop>Rape_Victim_Auditions>Michigan>076.jpg[/quote].
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
Why aren’t there t-shirts with Correct, You and I Don’t Often Agree, Amusing, But Wrong, and Peasants! Arst Thou Conversing?
Surely you’ve secured the copyrights on those.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
Prove me wrong.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
Onward patient motherfuckers.
etc.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
Starlin Castro is good at sports.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
I didn’t think that was funny.
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]I didn’t think that was funny.[/quote](dying not laughing)
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]I didn’t think that was funny.[/quote]
I did.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]I did.[/quote]Shut me right up.
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=Suburban Kid]Why aren’t there t-shirts with Correct, You and I Don’t Often Agree, Amusing, But Wrong, and Peasants! Arst Thou Conversing?
Surely you’ve secured the copyrights on those.[/quote]You should sell forest gif shirts, but you have to buy a different one for each frame.
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]You should sell forest gif shirts, but you have to buy a different one for each frame.[/quote]
This is the best marketing idea I have ever seen.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]You should sell forest gif shirts, but you have to buy a different one for each frame.[/quote]
I thought we could do a flip book, but your idea is better.
Aisle424Quote Reply
There’s a White Sox “All In” billboard that just has the picture of Buehrle from the forest.gif. It has me (dying laughing) every time I see it. Even for someone who had never seen the forest.gif, it would still look pretty messed up. Guy with his hand between his legs and a big headline “All In” just doesn’t put my mind on baseball. But that’s me.
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]There’s a White Sox “All In” billboard that just has the picture of Buehrle from the forest.gif. It has me (dying laughing) every time I see it. Even for someone who had never seen the forest.gif, it would still look pretty messed up. Guy with his hand between his legs and a big headline “All In” just doesn’t put my mind on baseball. But that’s me.[/quote](dying laughing) I saw that on a Brown line platform and almost lost my shit.
GBTSQuote Reply
Thibs —–> The Joker?
GBTSQuote Reply
^That’s all kinds of freaky.
AndCountingQuote Reply
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]Thibs —–> The Joker?
Not yet, but give me a minute.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Suburban Kid]Why aren’t there t-shirts with Correct, You and I Don’t Often Agree, Amusing, But Wrong, and Peasants! Arst Thou Conversing?
Surely you’ve secured the copyrights on those.[/quote]
Ask and ye shall receive…
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]Ask and ye shall receive…
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
AndCountingQuote Reply
I think we should send one to Al.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]I think we should send one to Al.[/quote]Just leave one at the bleacher VIP entrance at 8 a.m. on a gameday.
GBTSQuote Reply
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
Bravo.
GBTSQuote Reply
(dying laughing) (did I do that right?) (probaly not) can someone please explain what is going on in the forest.gif
WaLiQuote Reply
[quote name=WaLi](dying laughing) (did I do that right?) (probaly not) can someone please explain what is going on in the forest.gif[/quote]It started with only Kevin Millar as the dancing bear. Then I think A-Rod and Buehrle were next. Al yellon doing his thing. Prince Fielder. It just got more and more wrong. It even went from a standard image to widescreen along the way.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]Ask and ye shall receive…
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=WaLi](dying laughing) (did I do that right?) (probaly not) can someone please explain what is going on in the forest.gif[/quote]I don’t know if you typed l-o-l, but that will produce the (dying laughing). As for what’s going on in the forest.gif, it’s an artistic work of Ryno/Stuart Turkeylink/Jane Gumb that is best left to the interpretations of the beholder.
AndCountingQuote Reply
The Amusing… But Wrong line of swag should now be available for purchase.
Some other designs are in the works.
Aisle424Quote Reply
who doesn’t want one of these?
mb21Quote Reply
I’m going to wear one of those to the games in Kansas City this year.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I’m going to wear one of those to the games in Kansas City this year.[/quote]
You’re going to get sick of unsnapping it every time you have to urinate.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
That Amusing But Wrong one vanished.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]Al yellon doing his thing.[/quote]
Just needed to be quoted.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]You’re going to get sick of unsnapping it every time you have to urinate.[/quote]That’s what the Obstructed View diapers are for.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]That Amusing But Wrong one vanished.[/quote]That happens when you first add a design. It will show up eventually.
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]It started with only Kevin Millar as the dancing bear. Then I think A-Rod and Buehrle were next. Al yellon doing his thing. Prince Fielder. It just got more and more wrong. It even went from a standard image to widescreen along the way.[/quote]
That is awesome. I noticed Millar and Al. Didn’t realize that was Prince (I think?) getting some Al bologna-aise on his face. I’m assuming that’s A-rod playing with his stick and Buehrle with a dildo up his ass. Not too sure about the other two guys up front though.
[quote name=AndCounting]I don’t know if you typed l-o-l, but that will produce the (dying laughing). [/quote]
Ahh, see I fucked it up. I typed it out.
WaLiQuote Reply
[quote name=WaLi] I’m assuming that’s A-rod playing with his stick and Buehrle with a dildo up his ass.[/quote]
Watch the language.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
absolutely definite
dylanjQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Watch the language.[/quote]Fuck off
WaLiQuote Reply
[quote name=WaLi]Fuck off[/quote]
Not acceptable language here.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
Aisle424Quote Reply
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
GBTSQuote Reply
I seriously might buy that one.
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]I seriously might buy that one.[/quote]
Only one?
Aisle424Quote Reply
I like the old timey font as an extra touch of class.
Aisle424Quote Reply
if you really want cool shirts you need to get Yellon’s greatest hits on there
dylanjQuote Reply
[quote name=dylanj]if you really want cool shirts you need to get Yellon’s greatest hits on there[/quote]
Absolutely exactly finally officially correct.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]Not acceptable language here.[/quote]Sorry I forgot this was an establishment of class and elegance… and forest.gif
WaLiQuote Reply
[quote name=WaLi]Sorry I forgot this was an establishment of class and elegance… and forest.gif[/quote]Dignity. Always dignity.
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]That happens when you first add a design. It will show up eventually.[/quote]That’s unacceptable. Our customers deserve better.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=WaLi]Sorry I forgot this was an establishment of class and elegance… and forest.gif[/quote]
Precisely correct.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=mb21]That’s unacceptable. Our customers deserve better.[/quote]Hopefully our “no discounts on anything for anyone ever” policy will keep them satisfied.
AndCountingQuote Reply
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]
[/quote](dying laughing) I’ll have to buy that one
mb21Quote Reply
Pretty sure that’s the one that SK wants. He’ll be happy now.
mb21Quote Reply
i just want one with a picture of Castro on the front and
“I’d fuck me” on the back.
dylanjQuote Reply
.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
I am waiting for the shirt that says “You read every word”
FullyKraeusenedQuote Reply
Red Sox —–> 0-6
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]
[/quote]
424 wins the internets.
BerseliusQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]Red Sox —–> 0-6[/quote]
Looks like Ricketts will be emulating the Red Sox organization after all.
FullyKraeusenedQuote Reply
[quote name=dylanj]if you really want cool shirts you need to get Yellon’s greatest hits on there[/quote]
They don’t make shirts big enough to get a complete list.
BerseliusQuote Reply
[quote name=Berselius]They don’t make shirts big enough to get a complete list.[/quote]They also don’t print letters small enough to fit them on any one piece of anything.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=FullyKraeusened]I am waiting for the shirt that says “You read every word”[/quote]
Yes.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
http://cubsstats.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-to-read-pitch-fx-data.html
MishQuote Reply
[quote name=FullyKraeusened]I am waiting for the shirt that says “You read every word”[/quote]
We’re working on dictionaries with “You read every word, because you have to” on the cover instead.
BerseliusQuote Reply
In a really depressing note, so far it appears that Sam Fuld has been the second best offensive player for the Rays behind Bossman.
MishQuote Reply
Here you go, dj.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Jame Gumb]
[/quote]
You can maybe get three or four panels of Forestgif in if you use those prism-y things, such that each different angle results in a different panel. I forgot what those things were called though. I’m sure they are also expensive.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
Mish, are you going to any of the Sox/Rays games this weekend? Weather is going to be fucking gorgeous, may even get a chance to see their first win.
GBTSQuote Reply
I might be losing it. I was just looking at facebook and there was a picture of someone’s newborn child. Someone commented “What a cutie,” but I read “What a cunt.” I was about to like the comment.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]You can maybe get three or four panels of Forestgif in if you use those prism-y things, such that each different angle results in a different panel. I forgot what those things were called though. I’m sure they are also expensive.[/quote]
Or I could just pick out the most disgusting frame. You could put “Would you like to know more?” and the site URL underneath.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
The lengths you’ll go to sell some fucking merchandise.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]Mish, are you going to any of the Sox/Rays games this weekend? Weather is going to be fucking gorgeous, may even get a chance to see their first win.[/quote]
Saturday – I think I made a post when I bought tickets, but was buried under a new shit post. You are going to that one, correct?
MishQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]You can maybe get three or four panels of Forestgif in if you use those prism-y things, such that each different angle results in a different panel. I forgot what those things were called though. I’m sure they are also expensive.[/quote]Lenticular. We’ll get right on that.
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]Mish, are you going to any of the Sox/Rays games this weekend? Weather is going to be fucking gorgeous, may even get a chance to see their first win.[/quote]
What is wrong with the Rays? No wins yet makes me sad.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
Also, I love you guys.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]Lenticular. [/quote]Sounds like a Will Ohman Word of the Day.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]Lenticular. We’ll get right on that.[/quote]
Ah, thank you.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]What is wrong with the Rays?[/quote]
They touch themselves at night.
Dr. Aneus TaintQuote Reply
[quote name=Mish]Saturday – I think I made a post when I bought tickets, but was buried under a new shit post. You are going to that one, correct?[/quote]Yeah I’m going Saturday with a group of Sox fans, I believe we’ll be tailgating.
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]Yeah I’m going Saturday with a group of Sox fans, I believe we’ll be tailgating.[/quote]
Is it illegal to tailgate in front of Wrigley?
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]Is it illegal to tailgate in front of Wrigley?[/quote]www.istailgatinglegaloutsideofwrigleytoday.com
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]www.istailgatinglegaloutsideofwrigleytoday.com[/quote]
Asshole.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
Enjoying some gems from the mouth breathers on an ESPN Cubs article.
This guy’s got it all figured out. Albert “Puljols” – DO NOT WANT.
PFDQuote Reply
[quote name=PFD]Enjoying some gems from the mouth breathers on an ESPN Cubs article.
This guy’s got it all figured out. Albert “Puljols” – DO NOT WANT.[/quote]Well, you don’t want to be afflicated with someone who is using steroids for years.
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]Well, you don’t want to be afflicated with someone who is using steriods for years.[/quote]
Get it right.
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=Rice Cube]Get it right.[/quote](dying laughing)
Wow, it’s just so hard to track all the stupid in that comment.
AndCountingQuote Reply
This guy knows what he’s talking about. The best prospects are the prepped up ones from afflicated farms.
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]This guy knows what he’s talking about. The best prospects are the prepped up ones from afflicated farms.[/quote]I wonder if any of them afflicated on Dusty’s spot in the dugout.
AndCountingQuote Reply
That guy is hilarious. I hope he takes over for Paul Sullivan when he retires.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting](dying laughing)
Wow, it’s just so hard to track all the stupid in that comment.[/quote]I read afflicated about 37 times because I kept thinking I had to be reading it wrong.
mb21Quote Reply
[quote name=mb21]I read afflicated about 37 times because I kept thinking I had to be reading it wrong.[/quote]I’m not even sure what the intended word was. I guessed affiliate, but I’m not sure.
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting](dying laughing)
Wow, it’s just so hard to track all the stupid in that comment.[/quote]
Holy fuck man, I think that entire comment needs to be put on a shirt. I might seriously buy that.
I think it perfectly sums up how I feel about cubs fans.
(dying laughing)
(dying laughing)
LukasQuote Reply
I really fucking hate Cub fans.
PFDQuote Reply
[quote name=PFD]I really fucking hate Cub fans.[/quote]
faget point for you.
LukasQuote Reply
[quote name=PFD]I really fucking hate Cub fans.[/quote]
I’m still annoyed that they’re singling out Soriano on those two botched defensive plays even though the first one wasn’t really his fault and the second one wasn’t exactly routine. Cubs fans…
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=PFD]I really hate fucking Cub fans.[/quote]Fixed.
Suburban kidQuote Reply
GBTSQuote Reply
[quote name=PFD]I really love hate fucking Cub fans.[/quote]
Fixed?
LukasQuote Reply
(dying laughing)
Cubs fans provide hours of free entertainment.
melissaQuote Reply
Rice CubeQuote Reply
[quote name=melissa](dying laughing)
Cubs fans provide hours of free entertainment.[/quote]
Unlike the team itself that makes us pay to watch them fuck up.
Aisle424Quote Reply
I think the Yankees just won the AL East today.
mb21Quote Reply
Does opening day not count? Tommy Boy was on the radio telling me this team has the potential to be “special” because of it’s “character.” I promptly threw up and moved on with my day.
melissaQuote Reply
[quote name=melissa]Does opening day not count? Tommy Boy was on the radio telling me this team has the potential to be “special” because of it’s “character.” I promptly threw up and moved on with my day.[/quote]I missed that. But it had to have been before the game. (dying laughing)
AndCountingQuote Reply
[quote name=GBTS]Yeah I’m going Saturday with a group of Sox fans, I believe we’ll be tailgating.[/quote]
I’m doing the patio package, but would be interested in maybe swinging by if you are. What time were you gonna start?
MishQuote Reply
[quote name=AndCounting]I missed that. But it had to have been before the game. (dying laughing)[/quote]
Yes, it was in the morning on the Mully and Hanley show so technically it was before the season began. Just didn’t want you to think he hasn’t been saying stupid stuff lately, he has.
melissaQuote Reply
I’m going to be offline for a bit GBTS but send me a message on FB if you wanna discuss possibly meeting on Saturday. We can have an OV faget tweet up.
MishQuote Reply
Edit : Picture fix fail.
cwolfQuote Reply
The Fridge is broke. Sells his superbowl ring. 10 year old kid cashes out his college fund, buys ring, feels sorry for Fridge, returns ring. And ring is likely a fake. Which makes Mickey Mantle’s Restaurant, which sold the ring to the boy, a total douche. (dying laughing)
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Boy-10-buys-then-returns-Refrigerator-Perry-?urn=nfl-wp819
WenningtonsGorillaCockQuote Reply
I may be Bulls for the next few Bulls because all I can Bulls is Bulls the Bulls Bulls.
Aisle424Quote Reply
[quote name=Aisle424]I may be Bulls for the next few Bulls because all I can Bulls is Bulls the Bulls Bulls.[/quote]
Bulls
melissaQuote Reply
new stuff that’s not the least bit relevant to anything: http://obstructedview.net/articles/general/tgif-is-a-replacement-level-restaurant.html
mb21Quote Reply