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Opening Day Facepalm – 4.5.2012

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Is there a Cubs game today? Does hope spring eternal . . . ish?  Did my son proclaim, in response to my question yesterday evening about what tomorrow would hold, "It's Opening Day!"? Does the murderous grip of optimism have a stranglehold upon my throat? Will Steve Goodman forever ask from the grave what Chicago has to say? And will …

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Daily Facepalm 3.8.2012 – ST Cubs Not Entirely Depressing

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Cubs win! Cubs win! Cubs win! The Cubs brought their spring training record up to the .500 level with a win against the vaunted Kansas City Royals. Shut up, someone could vaunt about them. But yesterday the main vauntworthy performance came from Jeff Samardzija, who faced just nine batters in three shutout innings in his effort to join the best …

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Daily Facepalm 2.27.2012 | Still No Games

In Facepalm, News And Rumors by andcounting

  Bunting Brackets Busted Tony Campana was beaten by Steve Clevenger. Not in a brutal nanosophobic assault, but in a bunting contest. You could easily take this news with dismay that the guy whose only hope of reaching base is for the ball to come to rest too far in front of the defenders was ousted in the first round …

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Daily Facepalm 2.24.2012

In Commentary And Analysis, Facepalm by andcounting

Not to Fifty! Ryan Braun won't have to suffer the loss of 50 games from his life after winning his appeal and seeing his suspension overturned by an arbitor. This sucks for the Cubs and their fellow NL Central teams who don't want to see the Brewers gain the extra 2-3 wins Braun is likely to add to their lineup …

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Daily Facepalm 2.21.2012 Start Losing Already

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What's Going On? Take a look at the headlines at cubs.com. Truly scintillating. Trey McNutt is willing to not pitch. Outstanding. Jeff Samardzija is ready to be a meaningful part of the Cubs' fate this year, no matter what he has to do. Hooray. Sean Marshall is gone, sure, but don't fear, fans. James Russell is ready to step in. …

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Daily Facepalm 2.20.2012 – They’re back.

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Player Recently in the Best Shape of His Life: Carlos Marmol Carlos Marmol dropped 515 pounds in the offseason. He dropped 15 of his own pounds and he dropped the 500-lb gorilla in his pitching arsenal: his mystifying cutter – not mystifying the way his slider can be (Where did that thing go?), but mystifying like the remake of Footloose (. . . …

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Daily Facepalm 2.14.2012

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Cubs May or May Not Have Added a Cuban We're still on Jorge Soler watch, which I suspect will result in a brand new member of the "Putting Cub in Cuban" club. All the stories supposedly shooting down the van Dyck article suggesting the Cubs have a tentative deal in place basically restate what the original article already said: they …

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Daily Facepalm 2.9.2012. – Cubs: The Musical

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WGN Radio Wants YOU WGN is having a song-writing contest to find their next rah-rah Cubs tune to play before, after, and during Cubs games and on a nonstop loop inside Judd Sirott's headset. All you have to do is record your song and send an mp3 of it to cubssong@wgnradio.com. If you'd like, I can supply the lyrics, and …

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Daily Facepalm 2-8-2012: Numerology

In Facepalm by andcounting

Campana's Number 1! With Fukudome now saving face in free agency, Tony Campana has claimed the number 1 spot in the jersey lottery. Still think he should be wearing 5/8, but whatevs. In other numerical reassignments, Matt Garza has changed from 17 to 22, apparently to match the regularly changing arbitration numbers that have since been rendered moot. And Jason …

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DFP 2.7.2012

In Facepalm by andcounting

DeStubbled I hope you're happy, beat writers. I hope you find some sick pleasure in running another Cubs legend out of town by crucifying him with broken prose. Maybe you live in some alternate universe where it's okay to violate a man's privacy and print things like his baseball stats and the lack of influence he has on a team's …